Week #56

I made it!!

I am officially under 300 pounds baby!!

This past week was tough, but getting under the big 3-0-0 kept me seriously motivated. I can ride a Go Kart now! Gotta plan a weekend...which will be hard as we are entering the busiest part of my year. I am so overbooked it makes me want to cry.

Today after the meeting we had lunch at Qdoba. I got the "Craft 2" which is essentially a smaller portion of two things. I got two chicken tacos with lettuce and salsa, and a side salad with fajita veggies, salsa and shredded cheese. The Weight Watchers app doesn't have the chicken from Qdoba in it so I counted the chicken from Chipotle. HOLY POINTS BATMAN. It was 14 points for all of the chicken on my 2 little tacos and my side salad. I counted it. I had plenty of points, I was just really surprised. 

So when I came home I decided to check Qdoba's website and I'm so glad I did! The actual points value for the chicken total was 7 points...not freaking 14. I knew I liked Qdoba more than Chipotle!

I wonder how often I over count? Like how often I estimate high for something I'm not exactly sure of, and situations like this... I want to lose weight fast, we all do, but I also want to do it the healthy way. I'm okay with not eating my weeklies, though I often eat some...but I would rather eat all of my daily points. Weight Watchers already has us at a deficit so that we do lose (common sense), so I want to keep it healthy. 

It's a struggle, mentally and physically to keep going and try and think of all of this and be mindful...but it's worth it. 

I'm at the lowest weight I think I've ever been, maybe when I was a tween... I've never been under 300 pounds in my memory. 

Tears y'all. Big ones. 

My next "big" goal is 260. That will be 200 pounds lost. I'm doing this!

P.S. My computer is broken and going in under warranty (yay!) for repairs. So please excuse my typos for now. I'm posting on my phone!

Week #55

Down 7.6! I lost the 4.6 pound water weight gain from last week! I am now down 157.2 pounds.

Buuut I have a bit of a curve ball. My new doctor, who I love, wants me to start trying to get pregnant now, as opposed to waiting until I get to goal, or get under 250 lbs. I think she is worried about my age, as I just turned 32, and I have PCOS. Backstory: We tried to get pregnant naturally 6ish years ago with no success, and I gave up to try losing weight in the hopes that that would help me conceive. I am succeeding this time, finally, and stopping worries me. I don't want to lose my momentum, but I also don't want to lose my chance to have kids... So I made an appointment with my gyn, who specializes in PCOS and I am going to talk to her about it. I want to know if waiting one more year will actually be an issue. I don't know if I can make it to goal in a year, it isn't likely, but I wonder if I could get under 250? I also don't want to be high risk.

I'm not letting this slow me down, though it's all I can think about. I am going to keep going until I have to stop or slow down.

I had a date with my husband tonight and he took me to a really nice Indian restaurant. I think I did pretty well, but I definitely used some weeklies. Indian is so hard to count. I might have over counted too...but then the restaurant owner gave me free wine.

SO, tomorrow I am going to work out, and Wednesday, Thursday and Friday too lol. Meh, what is life without fun?

OHHH and GUYS, I am super close to being UNDER 300 pounds for the first time in my adult memory. I don't think I have been under 300 since before I was a teenager. I am hoping I can hold it together and get those last couple of pounds off in the next two weeks.

Hope you're all having a good week!

Week # 54

Another traveling (for work) weekend has passed! I gained 4.6 pounds, all of which will hopefully be gone next week. I'm really frustrated with traveling right now because I get a lot of push back from people about food. I spend a lot of time feeling like people are mad at me about the food I don't want to eat, or the fact that I count everything. I end up feeling apologetic for not wanting to eat pizza or crap all weekend. That is on TOP of the fact that my schedule is screwed while traveling. I get up at 12 noon normally. We are late people, my husband gets off sometimes as late as 11:30/12 midnight and we go to bed at 4am. When I travel I get up at 7am and I go to bed between 1 and 3am. So the hours in which I might be hungry grow, and so does my activity.  I have never actually gained anything but water weight from traveling but it still makes me nervous while I wait for the next weigh in. 

So if you can't tell, I am extremely frustrated with traveling and I almost threw in the towel and quit the traveling team this past weekend. I am frustrated with how often I am away from home, and how much I neglect things that I actually want to do, and I am frustrated about how food is handled. I have fun on these trips, but I feel like they don't really fit into my life very well anymore.

SO, GOOD NEWS NOW.

This past week I also went to a Florence + the Machine concert and it was amazing. Two years ago I went to a concert at the same venue and I had trouble standing the whole time. This time, I stood, danced, sang, jumped, and absolutely rocked it. I did not sit down once the music began!

Me at Florence two years ago:

Me at Florence this year:

I had an amazing time y'all.

And more good news. I went to the dance at the convention we were visiting on Saturday night (really Sunday morning) and I actually danced for 3 hours straight. It was amazing, and I was so tired, but I was actually able to walk the next day which would NEVER have been true in the past. I wore a cute pink dress and in 3 hours I made 15,338 steps. I broke 20k for the day on Sunday. I'm really proud of that.

So that is my week. Sorry the post is a day late, I actually forgot. I have had so much on my mind, including a doctors appointment with a new doctor in the morning, Wish me luck!

See you next week!

Week # 53

I lost weight this week! I am down 3.6 pounds for a total of 154.2!

I was having a pretty good week until Saturday when we went to a cookout and campfire night at a friends house after a corporate meeting. We ate grilled foods, and I had HALF of a mudslide, and like a 3rd of a beer. I also had two slices of grilled teriyaki spam. Don't judge me, that stuff is gold. I also had a bunch of roasted marshmallows, our fire was epic, so it was fate. Fire + Marshmallows + Friends. I counted everything though, and while I used some of my weeklies it was not all of them (I had 30 left.) and it was worth it. 

You've gotta find balance here. I feel like this journey can't be all about cutting back. You're losing weight! Give yourself permission to have fun, and occasionally a cupcake. 

So this was the last meeting for the leader who had been substituting for our old leader (Who was out having a kidney transplant and she's coming back next week! This woman is a champ.). The substitute leader and I have not always seen eye to eye. We had a few "moments" about my weight loss being too fast, and I was required to bring in a doctors note. By the way, 1% of your weight each week isn't too fast. 1-2 pounds doesn't apply to someone who weights 400+ pounds. 

ANYWAY. It was the sub leaders last day and she had mentioned that she would love one of the dessert recipes on her last day. I don't know how many people in the group had connected with her, but I felt like no one else was going to bring her anything and guys, she cares. The one thing I can really say about this woman is that even if her leadership style was hard to get used to, she legitimately cares about every single member in the room. So I decided to make her and the other meeting member Pineapple Bliss Cupcakes. DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN they are amazing... I used sugar free cake mix though, and added an extra half cup of marshmallow fluff and it came out to 3 points total per cup cake with icing. They were great, and at 3 points, feel free to enjoy one on a stormy night after dinner.

So I hope you all have a good week, and that you find things that make you happy and keep you going even through struggles along the road on this journey. Hold on to the good moments and make lists of the positives. Create a space in your head for the future. You're worth it.

Something that was posted on the boards tonight that made me think...

So I am on the Weight Watchers boards CONSTANTLY. Particularly the 200+ Pounds to lose board. The posts keep me straight. I read them when I am feeling weak, when I'm out of town and I start making not great decisions, when I am sad/frustrated/angry/scared. The men and women on that board are solid people who have been working the plan for a while. Their experiences are valuable and helpful to me.

So tonight someone posted this topic: What measures will you take to prevent a regain?

The person who made the topic talked about a lot of things, why she quit before, what she gained, how she came back, how she's rejoining again etc.

It really got me thinking about the last time I made this journey and how much I wanted to lose weight and how hard I fell, and all of the contributing factors...but when I began to type, this is what came out:

I regained my weight last time because I gave up. There were outside influences and problems and my life was full of stress and disappointment that I didn't know how to handle, but the bottom line is that I gave up. 

I won't say I failed though. I'm here and I'm on a roll even on the bad weeks. I weigh in when I know I am going to gain, and I'm trying very hard to be honest about my shortcomings regarding my relationship with food. I also have what I feel is a bit of a leg up this time around, because I understand the program so well and I know what works for me, and more importantly...I know I will gain, more than once. I know I will stumble, struggle and get frustrated. I know these things are going to (and have) happen so I'm prepared. 

My extreme measure is to keep doing what I am doing. Track every single thing that goes into my mouth (even if its free I put it in the tracker), eat more fruits and vegetables, and work out when I can. I will also fight my hardest not to feed my feelings, and to treat myself better than I did that last time around. 

This only applies to me, but my favorite quote ever right now is "If you're tired of starting over, stop giving up." I wont make it my signature because it sounds a little tough and I don't want to discourage people from coming back and putting it all out there and restarting. It was exactly what I needed to hear at the time I heard it though. So I tell myself that every time I feel kind of tired of working at this so much and thinking about it so much.

So I feel like maybe I am stronger than I feel. Reading my answer, and thinking about how tired I have felt lately of trying so much I think I must be. My heart and my fingers know what I need.

How about you? What will you do to prevent starting over (again)?

Interjection! Goals!

So I was reading my Weight Watchers magazine tonight and I read an article about Stand Up Paddle Boarding and it looks amazing. Like it would be both fun and relaxing and I so want to do it.

Which got me thinking about things. What else do I want to do? Any Suggestions?

I am making a list on the side bar, so let me know if you have tried anything new, and let me know the things you really want to do! It's motivating to think about the future as possible as opposed to impossible all of the time.

We can do anything.

Week #52

I am celebrating a year today! I lost 2.8 lbs this week and my total is now 150.6 pounds gone forever. I am officially half way there.

This year has been so stressful. I thought my brother was dead, and he isn't, but I spent months waiting for that call. Our money situation is so tight that when I check my bank account I get butterflies in my stomach. I have felt like the fabric of my universe was coming undone for a while now, and the ONLY thing I feel like I can control is this. I am so invested in this, and honestly sometimes it feels like I don't have enough energy for anything else and I am proud of myself for just getting through the day on plan.

I have trouble seeing my progress and I am really hard on myself, though I am trying to be more kind. I take pictures constantly in the hope that they will bolster me to keep going.

Tonight I cried about so many things, but one of them was this. Good night guys. See you next week.

"Third Eye" Florence & the Machine

An original lifeline,

original lifeline,

An original lifeline,

original lifeline.

Don't make a shadow of yourself,

always shutting out the light.

Caught in your own creation.

Look up, look up!

It tore you open

And oh, how much!

'Cause there's a hole where your heart lies

and I can see it with my third eye.

And oh my touch is madness

You come away, you don't know how

An original lifeline,

original lifeline,

An original lifeline,

original lifeline.

Hey, look up!

You don't have to be a ghost,

here amongst the living.

You are flesh and blood!

And you deserve to be loved and you deserve what you are given.

And oh, how much!

'Cause there's a hole where your heart lies

and I can see it with my third eye.

And oh my touch is madness

You come away, you don't know how.

An original lifeline,

original lifeline,

An original lifeline,

original lifeline.

'Cause there's a hole where your heart lies

and I can see it with my third eye.

And oh my touch is madness

You come away, you don't know how.

An original lifeline,

original lifeline,

An original lifeline,

original lifeline.

Could you pay it as a tribute?

The only thing you let hold you

Wear it now on the mantle

Always there to remind you

Would you pay it as a tribute?

The only thing you let hold you

Wear it now on the mantle

Always there to remind you

I'm the same, I'm the same

I'm trying to change.

I'm the same, I'm the same

I'm trying to change.

I'm the same, I'm the same

I'm trying to change!

'Cause there's a hole where your heart lies

and I can see it with my third eye.

And oh my touch is madness

You come away, you don't know how.

An original lifeline,

original lifeline,

An original lifeline,

original lifeline.

I'm the same, I'm the same

I'm trying to change.

I'm the same, I'm the same

I'm trying to change.

I'm the same, I'm the same

I'm trying to change - 

Original lifeline...