Day 136

So I have to go push progress pictures back by one day. I had a horrible day today and it was only saved by my husband's suggestion that we go and see a movie we had both previously wanted to see, but thought we had missed. Avatar was seriously amazing.

I was out all day with my mom, and I didn't get a chance to eat until around 3, and then I ate again around 6 and I tried to get in one more quick meal once I realized we were going to the movies. That put me at 17 points, with 26 left to go. At the movies Chad and I shared their burger combo thing. The whole thing is four very small (and most likely microwaved) burgers with a small order of french fries. This is not the best way to spend my points! We also had some popcorn, and I will be paying for all of that salt in the morning. I dont know exactly what the points should be, but I am using ww online and calorie king for help in my estimations.

I have another very busy day tomorrow. I have a big meeting to go to and several small social scenes that I need to make an appearance at. Once a year I (and many friends) volunteer at a local convention in downtown Baltimore. I supervise a live and silent auction and an art gallery. For 5 days it is physically the hardest thing I do all year. Hopefully this year will be easier on me!

I also took my first active pill in my new pack tonight, so hopefully this means goodbye to the monthly slasher. I'll be able to move at more than a slugs pace, and able to sit on those strength machines without worry again. Soon.

Today on the run quite literally (and this is so sad):
1 ww frozen meal: 7
1 serving spaghetti with sauce and veggies: 6
1 ww frozen meal: 4
1/2 order french fries: 5
2 small cheese burgers: 10
popcorn: 10 (I know it is an over estimation, but I want to be careful here.)
42/43

I know, tomorrow will be better! Then Sunday is weigh in!

Day 135

Okay, so today was not one of those days that I would call a good diet day. No gym today, or really any vigorous movement because it is just that uncomfortable. I've come to this conclusion: When I have my period I am going to do what I can and not kill myself over the rest. The fact of the matter is that every time I exercise when I'm bleeding (please excuse the TMI, it is relevant) I ruin some piece of clothing. Every single time. It is also incredibly uncomfortable both physically and mentally. I'm all for pushing myself, but then on weeks like this (it isn't always this bad) I wind up feeling like I have failed somehow, when honestly I'm still kicking arse. Now, I still have a card up my sleeve here. I bought something tonight that I haven't tried since I was 13, that I am going to try tomorrow. Hopefully I'll feel secure enough to do more than housework!

However today was really good for me mentally. I woke up feeling down on myself, but by then end of the evening I was feeling a lot better about where I am.

Now for the bad. I am only at 26 points for the day...out of 43. This of course is not the end of the world and I still managed to get in 4 serving of veggies in just those points. I was distracted and uncomfortable for most of the day, and by the time I remembered food I was past my 2am deadline. I ate though because at that point I was only at 10! I know, bad me! I don't see it as a complete bad thing though. As I have said before, it used to be that I would get distracted and eat and eat...now I forget which reminds me again of how food isnt the top priority in my life anymore That makes me incredibly happy.

I'm going to take and post some progress pics tomorrow night so stay tuned!

Today:
1 cup bran flakes: 2
1/2 cup skim milk: 1
1 can soup: 5
1 serving crackers: 2
2 servings spaghetti with sauce, veggies and cheese: 16
26/43

Edit: I get to add 6 points for homemade hot chocolate with pink heart shaped marshmallows. So 32/43.

Sticking with it, even when a week doesn't go as planned!

Day 134

Alrighty, so remember when I said I wasn't going to let me period slow me down? Well it hadn't, because it was late, due between Friday and Sunday. Well it came on Tuesday, while I was at the gym. It was fine! I made it through! Then this morning I woke up to my normal every month horror film (Thanks Patsy! I love the phrase.). So, needless to say I didn't go to the gym today. I'm not terribly upset about it as I still have 2 more days until the week end which would meet my goal, plus Saturday which isnt a normal day for me, but still. I'm not stressed. Life happens!

In any case I still have things I can do. I still have my wall push ups and leg lifts, and now that Chad is home we can take a walk a little bit before bed. Speaking of Chad being home, this one is a quickie because I want to relax a bit!

Today:
1 1/3 cups bran cereal: 3
1 cup skim milk: 2
1 banana: 2
veggie (3 servings veggies!) skillet with 1oz smoked turkey sausage: 5
1 can soup: 3
1 serving cheese: 2
1 serving crackers: 2
1 serving pulled bbq chicken (my recipe): 6
1 1/2 rolls: 6
1 cup mashed potatoes: 4
1/2 corn on cob: 1
tasting while cooking: 2
38/43

Going to have some popcorn while watching a movie or some tv. 8 servings of veg today!

Day 133

I was thinking about this journey a lot today. I think perhaps I am falling back in love with it. I never stopped needing it or wanting it, but I did stop enjoying it for a while. I need to remember how much I have gained on the path that I am taking. I have lost 57.4lbs. If I manage to lose 60.5 more pounds I will officially be under 300lbs for the first time in such a long time that I honestly do not remember it. I have been 350+ for so long. I honestly never ever thought I would ever be over 400lbs, but then I also never thought I would lose this weight and I know I am going to do that. I'm trying not to day dream too hard because I dont want to become impatient. I also know that losing weight wont solve every problem I am ever going to have but it would be nice to be in better shape to face them.

Things are happening! I am pretty officially a size 28. Not just in 1 or 2 stores, but in most of them. I can walk 2.6 miles in an hour or less, before I couldn't walk for 15 minutes without needing a solid break. My back doesn't hurt as much, my legs almost never hurt anymore, I can breathe and I don't swell like I used to. This doesn't even cover the positive influence on my self image. I look in the mirror these days and I don't feel as much like a troll. I even bought make up for perhaps the 3rd time in my entire life the other day...and I wore it instead of tossing it into a drawer for fear of drawing attention to myself. I actually found clothes in a store that I thought looked good on me. I found myself wanting to look in the body length mirror at the store, and when we left I didn't feel worthless! I felt amazing. Oh, and the best yet? I can hold my laptop on my lap finally! If I get results like this at 360lbs I cant blame myself for wondering how I will feel at 299.9!

It was cardio only today at the gym and I did my full hour, though I found myself wondering if I could have done 90 minutes. If time and crowd allows, I may try tomorrow. So my current cardio for the week is 120/240. I again did not bring those weights down, but again I haven't really watched any television. I also still need to do my wall pushups and leg lifts tonight. I managed to do my pushups last night but by the time I went upstairs I had forgotten about my leg lifts. I will be doing those tonight as well.

Today:
1 cup bran cereal: 2
1/2 cup skim milk: 1
1 oz beef roast: 2
1/2 cup potatoes: 2
1/2 cup carrots: 0
1/2 cup peas 1
1 serving stirfry no rice: 4
1 serving homemade pulled bbq chicken (roommate recipe): 4
1 bun: 4
1 slice light cheese: 1
1 serving sriacha: 0
1/2 serving light ranch: 1
1 cup mashed yams: 4
1 ww frozen meal: 6
1 serving fit active cracker crisps: 2
1/2 serving bbq sauce: 1
To be eaten soon:
1/2 cup ice cream: 2
1/2 cup blue berries: 1
1 banana: 2
40/43

So far I have eaten 5 servings of veggies today. I am going to have some fruit before bed though, which should bring my total to 7. I think I have done pretty well today!

Day 132

Today was a good day. I did my full circuit and 60 minutes/2.6 miles on the treadmill at the gym and I feel great about it. It was easier today, so I know I'm getting back to where I was before I started to give up! I worked on my strength machine goals today too. I did 4 sets on a few machines, and 3 on most others, pushing myself. I don't push myself until I might get hurt but just until I honestly need to stop. On to the cardio goal! Out of 240 minutes I have 180 left. Still shooting for 300 though. I did not bring my weights down yet, but I haven't watched any tv today either, and I still have to do my wall push ups and leg lifts tonight. I will!

To anyone who says you can not eat good food on a diet: Puh! Tonight I had roast beef with carrots, mashed potatoes and gravy, and I am still under my points. I love cooking and I was so afriad that it was going to be an issue on this journey. I love/loved cooking rich foods. Stews, pastas, curries, etc. I was afraid that not only was I not going to be able to eat what I wanted, but that losing weight was going to ruin my love of cooking. I could not have been more wrong. I do get to eat what I want. Sometimes I have to cook things a little differently, use lighter ingredients and I definitely have to eat serving sizes. It does take some getting used to but the results are worth the learning curve! As far as cooking goes I was forced out of my groove so to speak. I have learned new cooking techniques and tons of new recipes. I have essentially renovated my repertoire.

Today:
1 cup bran flakes: 2
1/2 cup skim milk: 1
1 banana: 2
1 homemade grilled cheese: 4
grapes: 1
1 fresco chicken burrito: 6
1 serving fit active crackers: 2
grapes: 1
2 tbsp mashed potatotes (tasting while mashing): 1
5 oz beef roast: 8
2 servings carrots: 0
1 cup mashed potatoes: 4
1/2 cup gravy (home made! sooooo good!): 2
ice cream: 5
Total for the Day: 39/43
Leftover: 4

Getting better about the food and fruits and veggies! today I got in: 6 servings. MUCH better than before. Still working on it.

Day 131

Today was weight in day, and over the last 2 weeks of not weighing myself I have lost 3.2lbs. Yeah, lost. I think I had fluctuated up a bit before getting back on this week. I am so happy to have the downward trend still going on officially though I need to step it back up. I am capable of more! Diet parade is still going on! However now that I am comfortably back on plan I think I should revisit those weekly goals I so hopefully made more than a week ago. I'm thinking that weekly goals are really good. They give me something to shoot for and every time I defeat a chunk of goal stuff I feel really good about myself.

My goals for this week (Monday - Sunday):

1. Get to the gym 4-5 days this week.
2. 240 minutes of cardio this week at least, no less. I am shooting for 300, which would be a 5 day gym week. Again it doesnt all need to be at the gym or on the tread mill.
3. Strength machines, the whole circuit, 3 times this week. Try really hard to get back up to 4 sets on most machines.
4. Wall push ups, and leg lifts. Yep, going to start both. 2 sets of 12 each to start, every single night. Want to fight the saggy skin!
5. Shooting for 7 servings of fruits and veggies a day. I know I am supposed to have 9, but since I have been getting in less than 5 I figured I could work up to that.
6. No extra points! This is a loose rule. I don't want to use them, but I'm not going to torture myself.
7. Eat a real breakfast every day! Not lunch for breakfast. Oatmeal, eggs, cereal, fruit etc.
8. Treat myself better. I have a bunch of things going on, including moving on March 6th and I need to keep my anxiety and my depression at bay here. I need time to myself, and I need to make time to keep my surroundings in check. My bedroom needs to be my sanctuary! My goal this week is to keep it completely in check and unstressful.
9. Track on paper again, as I'm not as good about tracking on the computer. I find I'm more likely to forget if I don't track it right away.

I also want to keep my hand weights handy in the living room. I'm going to be in a lot this week and I often get sucked in by the tv, so I figure having the hand weights there will be a boon. I can get some light arm work in.

I'll report on these goals all week. I'm shooting for 5 pounds lost again, which last time brought me 4. Who could complain? I started taking my inactive pills on Friday, so I'm sure I'll complain some. Going to get these goal done regardless of my period!

Today:
1 small chili: 4
1 baked potato with cheese: 7
1 cup mandarin oranges:1
1 can soup: 3
1 serving cheese: 2
1 serving crackers: 2
grapes: 1
2 blocks dark chocolate: 2
1 serving homemade orange chicken w/rice: 8
1/2 cup steamed peas: 1
1/2 serving dinner (again): 5
1/2 cup steamed peas: 1
2 cups hot chocolate: 8
w/ heart shaped marshmallows: 2
43/43 + 4/35

Wish me luck!

Day 130

Today was kind of crazed. No gym today, but that's alright as I don't usually go on the weekends and I managed to go 4 times this week. I have my weigh in tomorrow, and I have to admit I am nervous. I feel like I deserve to gain weight after the past month. I have been on but not with all of my heart. I am back on track though!

Today we had dinner with my mom and some friends and then ended up doing a little clothes shopping. Now, I had been trying to hold out on that for a while because I didnt want to be continuously buying clothes as I lost weight. We just don't have the money. However we stopped at Fashion Bug because they were having some sales and honestly I need some stuff. I wear 2 bras now because I have lost enough weight that none of mine fit so I bought some too small sports bras to hold me up. Thing is, mine are large enough that I still need to buy them at specialty shops. Also the only jeans I had were size 32, and I wear a 28 now. So I purchased a few things. It made me feel good. I also went through every single piece of clothing I owned when I came home and now I have 3 garbage bags full of clothes to freecycle (which have already been scooped up pending pick up.). I feel good about this because plus size clothes are expensive and this way they aren't here like a safety net waiting for me. It was really hard for me to give them up because in the past (before I married my wonderful husband) I never had any clothes. (For example in highschool we were pretty poor and like I said plus sizes are not cheap. I owned 1 pair of pants.) Now I tend to hang on to things that should really be let go because of security issues. I am once again wowed by the things that weight loss makes you face. I dont think I ever would have connected the two issues until right now. I'm working through my life here!

Food was okay today, I still need to be better about veggies, but I am getting some in now.

Today:
Less than 1 serving last nights dinner (stir fry w peanut sauce): 9
Sushi w/family: 17
2 gyoza: 2
1 bite chicken katsu: 1
1 1/2 cups spaghetti: 6
1 cup sauce: 2
1 bite Chad's sandwich: 1
Total for the Day: 38/43

Wish me luck for tomorrow as I may need it! Hoping for a downward trend!