Day 150, 151

Snow days! I tracked on Friday, but not on Saturday. I took a small break being that we were stuck, literally in the house and getting a little cagey. We are still stuck actually.

I will be making a real post tonight. Stay tuned!

Some of these are through my screen as I am not going outside in my jammies. Also ignore the camera date as I haven't fixed it yet.


Above is right over my back door. I happened to look up while letting the dogs out! Its like a mini frozen tsnownami!


This is my back yard + dog poo.

And apparently we are getting another 6+ inches Tues-Wednesday. Yeah.

Day 149

Sorry about the delay in posting for day 149. Yesterday was crazed with everyone getting ready for the big snow and then karaoke. We do in fact have snow! So the WW meeting on Sunday is almost certainly canceled.

In any case today:
1 vita top: 1
1/2 yogurt: 1
1 gigantic salad with:
spinach: 0
broccoli: 0
cauliflower: 0
bell peppers: 0
pickles: 0
beets: 1
chick peas: 2
1/2 egg: 1
carrots: 0
1 serving salad topper: 1
3tbsp ranch: 4
1 serving cheese: 2
1 arnolds sand thin: 1
1 serving meat loaf: 8
1/2 cup mashed potatoes: 2
1 slice cheese: 1
1 tbsp bbq: 1
2 servings pasta with meat and veggie sauce: 14
1 oz crackers: 2
a few bites full fat ice cream: 4
42/42 + 4/35

Day 148

I had my first diet parade nightmare last night. It's strange that I am having it now, so many weeks into this... In the dream (I'm so bad at remembering them) I was being chased by something bad (thus the running, it was probably asparagus...) and all of the sudden out of nowhere there was a desk and a scale. The normal WW receptionist was behind the desk, and the meeting leader was off to the side. Somehow, I knew I had to get on the scale and when I did I showed a gain. Then I was so devastated and they were yelling at me. It was pretty terrible. Don't worry though, when I woke up I found myself more amused than horrified honestly. It helps that I know that I could gain 20lbs and my meeting leader and the receptionist would never yell at me. They are great people.

It also helps that I made it to the gym again today! I did another 60 minutes (2.66 miles) on the treadmill and my full circuit. Now for your daily dose of "duh": When I enter my work out into the fitness computer there is a screen where you enter the intensity of your work out. Then it gives you calories burned. I have always entered "2" because on the treadmill I am still in the 2's as far as miles per hour go. Today I was enlightened to the fact that I am doing it wrong. It isn't about the treadmill setting, its about perceived exertion. According to that scale and the results of the computer today I have been shorting myself anywhere from 150 to 350 calories burned per day! Eek.

I am going to be running to bed early again tonight. I do not know why I am so tired so early these days, but I am. Last night I finally for the first time in weeks slept for 7 1/2 hours straight without waking. It felt awesome. I am aiming for that again tonight.

Today:
1 arnold sand thin: 1
1 serving pulled buffalo chicken: 5
1 serving spinach: 0
2 servings green beans: 0
1 serving light margarine: 1
1 can soup: 3
1 serving cheese: 2
1 oz crackers: 2
1 cup bran flakes: 2
1/2 cup milk: 1
1/4 cup dried cherries: 2
1 arnold sand thin: 1
1/2 serving nutella: 2
1 serving jam: 1
1 serving meat loaf: 8
1 cup mashed potatoes: 4
1 slice cheese: 1
1/20 cup steamed peas: 1
1 serving bbq sauce: 1
38/42

Is anyone else living in the area that is going to be affected by this monster snow storm coming on the weekend?

Day 147

I am updating early tonight because it is so cold that all I want to do is hide under the covers! Baltimore is in the middle of another 6 inch snow shower to be followed this weekend by up to 24+ inches. I loved snow as a child...as an adult...not so much. My husband still has to be out driving in it and it almost certainly means no Weight Watchers meeting on Sunday.

I did go to the gym in the snow though. I did my 60 minutes of cardio on the treadmill and ran (very, very slowly) home. I took another little step though. I checked out the weight limit on the elliptical machine. It is 400 lbs so I can use it. I got on it a little after I finished my 60 minutes and I might try doing a little each day until I can do 30 there and 30 on the treadmill.

Today so far:
1 cup bran flakes: 2
1/2 cup skim milk: 1
1/4th cup dried cherries: 2
1 can soup: 7
1 oz crackers: 2
1 serving cheese: 2
1 egg: 2
1 arnold sand thin: 1
1 serving spinach: 0
1/2 serving lunch meat: 1
1 tsp light margarine: 1
1 tbsp bbq sauce: 1
1 serving cheese: 2
1 yogurt: 2
1 serving pulled buffalo chicken: 5
1 arnold sand thin: 1
1 serving steamed broccoli: 0
1 large serving grapes: 2
1 oz crackers: 2
1 arnold sand thin: 1
1/2 serving lunch meat: 1
1/2 serving light mayo: 1
1 serving sw mustard: 1
1/2 serving cheese: 1
1 serving spinach: 0
1 vita top chocolate chip: 1
42/42

Day 146

The gym went well today. I finished my full circuit, and did 60 minutes on the treadmill. I am up to 2.7 consistently now so that's 2.66 miles in 60 minutes. At some point next week I will attempt to start trying 2.8. Leg lifts and wall push ups before bed!

I'm pretty proud of myself because today even though I had some errands to run, I managed to eat pretty balanced food today. In fact the only thing I didn't manage to do that I wanted to do today was my laundry.

Short post tonight, for once I'm tired!

Today:
1 chocolate chip vita top: 1
1/2 yogurt: 1
1 grilled chicken sandwich: 5
w/sauce: 1
1 cup chopped fresh fruit: 1
1 large salad w/ dressing: 7
1 oz crackers: 2
1/4 cup dried cherries: 2
1 serving (home made) chicken pot pie with corn bread crust: 10
1 serving ice cream: 3
1 cup hot chocolate: 4
1 serving marshmallows: 2
1 arnold sandwich thin: 1
1/2 serving nutella: 2
1 serving jam: 1
42/42

It is shaping up to be a great week!

Day 145

The meeting was canceled, but I couldn't get anyone on the phone, and being the paranoid person I am I drove out there anyway. So, not wanting to skip a weigh in I came home and weighed myself here. Now again, my scale here is wonky at times so the weight I am going to give could change or whatnot. I weighed 355.8, which would mean I lost 5.8lbs this week. I'm counting it, but not calling it set in stone.

This is me (in blue) in highschool. I was 17 years old and already over 300lbs. I was taking blood pressure meds and skipping gym for fear of embarrassing myself or being embarrassed. Everyone else is talking about being over weight as a child so I thought I might throw my penny in the ring. I have been fat for my entire life. I have never been thin, or felt beautiful or athletic. I skipped social functions and epic events in my life to avoid being reminded of that. I have been called every name possible in the book by classmates, friends, family, and even random people on the street I don't know. Once I wouldn't share my labwork with a girl in my science class in highschool and later overheard her telling some of my other classmates that I "smelled, because all fat people do". I have been refused seats on a public bus before because someone didn't want to sit next to me. Being fat doesnt just make you the butt of fat jokes...it makes you the butt of every joke imaginable. People start looking at you like the weakest link and you end up looking like a safe target.

I regret being fat, I really do. There are so many things that I would change about myself physically. Physically, but not mentally. There is that one thing about being fat that I can actually appreciate. I am not one of those people. I don't exclude people based on their appearances and I certainly don't try and make myself feel better about my insecurities by hurting other people. I'm not a party girl, or promiscuous, nor do I desire to be. I'm smart, I have a mind of my own and a life (outside of being fat) that I wouldn't give up for all the money in the world. I'm not saying that being obese made me the person I am today, but I can say with certainty that it was a definite front runner in the shaping of who I am. How could it not be? It really is like a shell, and I'm breaking through. I am changing myself from the inside out, with the strength that I have developed from years of feeling constantly hunted every time I went out in public or had dinner with friends of put on a bathing suit. I started by pulling motivation from never wanting to experience any of those feelings ever again, and I'm going to finish by gathering the motivation from the new discoveries I make every single day.

Sometimes in my blog I don't always know what to write. What I ate today isnt always the most mesmerizing sort of thing to read I'm sure. Sometimes I'm sure it seems like I'm less passionate about this journey than I am on other days. I am here to tell you that this is so far from the truth. There are very few things in my life right now that mean as much to me as this does...there are very few things in my life that will be as commandingly vocal in my future. I want to be interesting and witty, but more than that I want to be honest and present. I want to succeed. So I'm going to keep on trucking down diet parade lane until I cant anymore and then I'm going to do it anyway. I will weigh 165lbs before I am done.

Today:
1 cup bran flakes: 2
1/2 cup skim milk: 1
1 very, very large salad incl. dressing: 7
1 serving black beans and rice: 6
1oz crackers: 2
1 can soup: 3
1 slice cheese: 1
1oz crackers: 2
1 serving chicken, broccoli and rice skillet: 5
1 serving oatmeal bread: 2
1 arnold sandwich thin: 1
1/2 serving nutella: 2
1 serving jam: 1
1 serving ice cream: 3
38/42

Oh yeah, I am also down a point! Hooray for progress!

Day 144

So despite the snow dump on Baltimore all day today I still made it to the gym. I did a full circuit, and 60 minutes on the treadmill, so 2.66 miles. I also did 4 minutes on the bike while I was waiting for a treadmill. I managed to do a mile, which isn't much, but I'm still proud of getting on the bike. My food today wasn't bad either. I managed to catch 6 servings of veggies today and finished most of my points before 11pm (if you are new to reading this, I get up 4 hours early on Sundays so I stop eating earlier than usual). I made it to 37/43.

I also defeated some sweets today. I came home to find that my room mates had purchased 1/2 dozen doughnuts. My room mate even figured out the points for me, and I could have had one. I'm sure tons of people will wonder why I didn't in that case, but even I'm not completely sure. It was almost knee jerk. I wanted one, but I really did not want one. You know what I mean? You want that greasy/sweet/salty/horrible thing but you do not want the aftermath, and knowing that about yourself kind of means you just don't want it anymore...

Tomorrow is weigh in day, but I'm not sure there will be a meeting tomorrow because of the snow, so I have to call in the morning unless I can find some magic 1-800 number that has all of the closings... If they are on, I will be there, hopefully showing a nice loss. I will admit though that getting up 4 hours earlier than usual to get dressed, go out into the snow and find out that there is no meeting is going to make me nuts.

Wish me luck!

Today:
1 green tea with 2 tbsp honey: 2
1/2 leftover salmon stir fried with extra veg, and mandarin oranges: 5
1 yogurt: 2
1 orange: 1
1 serving sunchips: 4
1 subway sub, whole: 12
1 can beef vegetable soup: 7
1oz crackers: 2
2x tea with 1 tbsp honey: 2
37/43

Not bad.