Day 291

I cried at a clothing store today.

I've been kind of emotional all day even though it was a perfectly lovely day. I needed to go out and get a new charger for my laptop (And it was 85 bucks! For a charger. Gah!), and so I decided to stop into a clothing store that I haven't visited in quite a while. The reason being that clothing shopping has never been fun for me. I was between a size 32 and a size 34. Nothing fit me correctly and those seemed to be the sizes that were always gone first anyway. Secondly I have been losing weight so I haven't really wanted to invest much money into clothes I will only wear for a month or three. So recently I bought a pair of shorts from Wal-Mart in a size 26 and so in the clothing store I was picking up size 26 only not thinking about the fact that my shorts are getting a little lose. I tried them on, and realized that I could get them on and off without unbuttoning them, so I asked my friend to bring me a size 24. She brought me a size 22, and it fit, really well. I have never in my life worn a 22. I went right from size 20 to 24 when I was very young. So I was pleasantly shocked, and I cried. Then I bought two pairs of shorts for 55 percent off!

Today:
2 ww ff waffles: 2
1 serving reduced calorie syrup: 2
Sushi lunch:
14 pieces assorted sushi (estimate using calorie king and WW online): 15
3 pieces gyoza: 3
1 baked potato w/cheese: 7
1 small chili: 4
1/2 serving leftover dinner: 6
1 ff wrap: 1
1 serving light mayo: 1
38/38

Have you been inspired to tears in your journey before?

Day 290

"What would you attempt if you knew you could not fail?"

That is actually a pretty moving question for me. I've been thinking along those lines a lot lately. What would I attempt if I was not fat? So many things. I have dreams that I've let go of and doors I've allowed to close over the years because I didn't (and perhaps still don't, not yet) have the confidence to fight for myself. This has been true in everything, even weight loss until now. Dieting is multifaceted. You think its simple and straight forward, and it is. Recently on facebook one of my cousins asked me for my "secret" because she needed to lose about 100lbs too. There isn't one! I realized then that the reason for my success, especially over the mental hurdles, goes back to the root of the question again. It isn't that I know the future, its that I know my life depends on me getting on the ball and losing this weight. So, I can not fail. Literally. So weight loss is simple, but people aren't. We are complicated, and sometimes deluded creatures. We get in the habit of telling ourselves what we want to hear even when we are hurting ourselves by doing so. I can lose weight whenever I want to. It can wait. I'm just too busy. It's too hard. I'm fine. This diet doesn't work. It's not fair. I'm just taking a break. There is no secret. Weight loss is hard, and transforming yourself on the outside takes transforming yourself on the inside too, and ladies and gentlemen, that is a long road. One we may never be finished. The weight will come off, but then I have to live. The reward is the long road. Maybe I will never get the dreams and opportunities back that I've lost, but I'm clearing the way for the rest of my life.

Today was incredibly active.

I took Chad to work before going to the gym (Woo! Third time this week!) and getting in an extra hour on the elliptical. Then I swam (fun swimming, not really work) for about an hour and a half. Plus today was karaoke, so I'm pretty proud of myself.

Dinner was iffy because I used regular sausage. OUCH 39.5 points for 14oz. Next time I am using chicken, or turkey sausage. Lesson learned!

Today:
1 arnolds sand thin: 1
1 serving jam: 1
1/2 serving nutella: 3
1 grilled chicken sandwich: 6
w/ honey mustard: 2
1 small fruit cup: 1
3 waffle fries: 1
1 yogurt parfait: 4
1 serving dirty rice casserole (so many points because I prepared it using sausage, full fat, oops.): 13
1 serving pasta w sauce: 6
38/38

Day 289

Someone noticed!!

I was at the gym today getting back on the elliptical for my second 30 minutes and this woman tapped me on the shoulder and told me that I looked great and that she had been coming to the YMCA as long as I had and she wished she was as motivated as me. I "Phsawwed" and told her I was just trying to get back to going regularly (which I have been, yay!) and that I had been seeing her there and she was also doing a great job. I'm excited though, it feels good to have someone that doesn't love you say that you are looking good. The thing is...I'm noticing too. I know before I couldn't see it so well, but like I said, suddenly I have edges. AND CURVES. I have a shape that isn't quite so round. My clothes are looking better on me too. I am very motivated right now.

Tentatively I am going to the gym tomorrow also to help a friend with her kids in the pool. I'm planning to get there early and get in some extra cardio. I mean I know I said three days, but any extra is good. I'm driving there I might as well get on the machine.

Since this post is early my points aren't all finished yet.

Today:
1 flatout wrap: 1
1 veggie burger: 2
1/2 serving cheese: 1
1/4 cup rice: 1
1 serving roasted red pepper: 0
1 serving broccoli slaw: 0
1 serving light mayo: 2
1 serving light honey mustard: 2
1 pudding: 1
1 banana: 2
1 cup rice: 4
1/2 serving cheese: 1
1 serving broccoli slaw: 0
1/2 cup peas: 1
2 servings soy sauce: 1
1 serving cheddar rice crisps: 2
1 serving whole wheat pasta: 3
1 serving sauce: 3
1 flatout wrap: 1
1 veggie burger: 2
1/2 serving cheese: 1
1/4 cup rice: 1
1 serving roasted red pepper: 0
1 serving broccoli slaw: 0
1 serving light mayo: 2
1 serving light honey mustard: 2
1 pudding: 1
1 banana: 2
1 cup rice: 4
1/2 serving cheese: 1
1 serving broccoli slaw: 0
1/2 cup peas: 1
2 servings soy sauce: 1
1 serving cheddar rice crisps: 2
1 serving whole wheat pasta: 3
1 serving sauce: 3
1/2 serving cheese: 1
2nd serving dinner: 8
1 serving icecream: 3
1 waffle with 1/4th serving of pb and 1/2 serving jam: 3
38/38 + 4/35

Wow! I was actually quite hungry tonight.

Day 288

I managed to submit my videos to the America's Got Talent Youtube contest tonight! That is how I spent my day. Making 3 more videos I was satisfied with and then submitting them. I feel weird with my face so visible on camera that way. Let's admit it once and for all: I am incredibly nervous period. I've always sung, but never with any outward motivation beyond karaoke. It's funny what losing weight does. It makes you be honest with yourself. Good and bad. I would love to sing. I have always been so afraid I would fail right at the jump because of my weight. Honestly I'm not sure I'm saying that I aspire to some huge career. I'm 27, and I want to be a mother. My life is changing so much! It's hard to keep up with what I want because so many things are becoming possible! That's a good thing right? Also, no one worry about me not being picked or being depressed about it. I'm really honestly good there. I'm just impressed that I actually took the chance.

Also I won a prize for the Spring Challenge! Amazing! I never expected it, and I'm really glad I took the challenge!

Today:
2 ww waffles: 2
1 serving reduced calorie syrup: 2
1 chicken nugget (yeah, I needed it.): 1
1 1/2 cups rice: 6
1 cup carrots: 0
1/2 cup green beans: 0
2 servings curry sauce: 2
1 tbsp light sour cream: 1
1 tbsp shredded coconut: 1
1 blueberry beer: 3
1 serving chicken noodle soup (homemade!): 4
1 serving dumplings (also homemade!): 4
1 strawberry cheesecake smoothie (strawberries, ff instant pudding mix, skim milk): 3
1/2 flat out wrap and salsa: 1
2nd (later) serving dinner incl dumplings: 8
38/38

Day 287

I have a some fasting blood work tomorrow for a physical next week, and so I ate my last meal just a few moments ago. Dinner would have been done sooner except I opted to go to the gym tonight and pushed my schedule back some. I'm really nervous about the blood work. I don't want diabetes. I know, chances are at this point in the game I don't have it, but after being so heavy for so long it does indeed scare me. Especially with PCOS and insulin resistance. So, I'm a touch on the freaked out side. I'm also worried about the physical next week. I haven't had many good experiences with doctors in my life! I like this doctor so far though, and I have my weigh in book to bring with me to show my progress. You cant sneeze at 90lbs in less than a year right?

Spring Challenge Check In!

My goals are:
1. Exercise 1 hour a day 5 days a week for 13 weeks.
2. Eat the WW recommended servings of fruits and vegetables every day.
3. Go to as many WW meetings as I possibly can.
4. Check in on Mondays.
5. Get a bike. Finally.

1. I recently revised my goals to 3 days a week, and so far so good.
2. I'm doing it most days now, and even today I got 5 servings.
3. I went to my meeting!
4. Totally checking in right now!
5. I get a bike soon! It will still take some time for me to get my bike because of money, but soon enough it shouldn't be a problem. I was worried about not being able to ride one because of my weight but I think now it should be okay. :)

Now something I like about myself. I like that I am losing weight and that I am sticking with it! It takes real guts to do this so don't ever let anyone tell you any different. If you have the ability to do this then I cant imagine a task you cant accomplish.

Today:
1 can soup: 5
1 arnolds sand thin: 1
1 serving mayo: 1
1 serving cheese: 2
1/2 serving lunch meat: 1
1 serving pickles: 0
1 serving cheddar rice crisps: 2
1 arnolds sand thin: 1
1/2 serving pb: 2
1 serving jam: 1
1 serving almonds: 2
1 pudding: 1
1 serving brown rice: 4
1 serving chicken curry w lots of veggies: 5
extra cup of rice: 5
1/2 serving curry: 3
36/38

Day 286

Sorry this is late!

I went to my meeting yesterday and saw a loss of 4.4 lbs, putting me at my lowest weight thus far: 328.2. I am 10.4lbs from 100lbs lost. Its funny because when I saw the numbers I didn't notice how close I was to 100, I noticed the .4lbs from 90lbs lost first. I'm so used to little goals I guess. Its also hard to imagine 100 pounds lost when just to think about it in the moment I still feel like the same person. 89.6 pounds is a lot though. I feel like it isn't enough because of how far I have left to go (and yes it feels daunting sometimes). I'm not being fair to myself though. 89.6 means everything. It has meant walking, and smaller clothing sizes. It has meant my life. I am so ready for 100 lost.

I don't know if this is an NSV or not but after weigh in I was sitting in the car and I noticed a lump on my leg, down by my ankle. So I reach down to feel it and it was my ankle. I have bones now! I'm noticing a lot of things like that. I feel things on my body now that I'm not used to and it can be a bit unnerving but I think its because I have no idea what my body is supposed to be like. Suddenly I'm not just round and soft, I'm developing edges!

Sunday is grocery day as well as weigh in day and I didn't use my points well. We were out of the house all day. I need to work on my weekends.

Today:
1 whole turkey sub: 11
w cheese: 2
w mayo: 2
1 serving baked lays: 3
1 yogurt: 2
2 servings bubble up pizza casserole: 15
1 serving low fat ice cream: 3
38/38

Day 285

So I'm really not that sick, except for the lingering headache, which I am proud to say is not a migraine.

It is however, painful and making it hard to be online. I had a lot of errands to run today and I wasn't feeling well, so my food isn't great, and I didn't eat all of my points. I'll probably pay for that tomorrow at weigh in but I cant help but be proud of myself. This has been my first completely on plan week in a month. I didn't fall completely off before but I was dragging behind diet parade. This week I didn't feel like I was faking it! And thank GOD for that because honestly I needed some time to just feel good about myself and everything. I've been stuck in these size 26's long enough don't you think?

Wish me luck for weigh in!

Today:
1 arnold sand thin: 1
1/2 serving nutella: 3
1/2 serving pb: 2
1 serving jam: 1
1 baked potato w/ cheese: 6
1 small chili: 4
1/2 serving boneless wings: 6
1 chicken fajita pizza (yay flatout wraps): 7
1 serving carrots: 0
1 yogurt: 2
32/38