Everything seems fine. I had a pap smear, and blood work and I got a prescription for birth control. Ocella same as before. It's what I wanted.
I am both excited and saddened. I am excited because I know how much better being on birth control actually makes me feel. I am saddened because it feels like one more nail in the coffin that I've been so reluctant to shut even for a time.
I have friends telling me that it "looks unlikely" that I will ever have children, as if hearing it so frankly somehow helps me to accept it as a fact and find closure. I don't know if that is ever going to get any easier, and I don't think I can apologize for it. I shouldn't have to. If my pain makes someone uncomfortable that isn't on me. At that point it isn't even about me. I mean good GOD. If I sit down to watch a movie with people and infertility is mentioned I get knowing stares and I get to hear my friends whisper quietly about how this must be affecting me.
I will find closure on this naturally, with my husband in a private setting, and with lots of time and healing.
I'll let you guys know the results of the blood tests etc when they come in. In the mean time I talked to my doctor about Weight Watchers and found that she isn't very fond of the new program. Funnily enough, neither am I. I hate that we are not counting fruit now. I mean I get that fruit being free encourages us to eat more of it in lieu of other things like chips and pastries etc, but fruit still packs a lot of sugar. So my doctor and I decided to give it some time the way that it is and if my weight loss slows or stalls that I should start counting fruit again. Guys, I can eat a lot of fruit. I eat it to feel full. I know I need to get over eating until I am like really full but one hurdle at a time right?
Gym tomorrow, and Saturday or Sunday to make up for today. Also new shoes tomorrow as long as I can afford them! Wish me luck!
Thursday, August 01, 2013
|2 sandwich(es) Classics chargrilled chicken sandwich|
|2 packet(s) Dressings & Sauces barbecue sauce|
|1 serving(s) Side Items small fruit cup|
|1 serving(s) avocado ranch|
|1 serving(s) Side Items side salad|
|2 serving(s) Hormel sandwich makers pork bbq|
|1 item(s) thin sandwich bread|
|13 chips New York Style Pita Chips|
|1 serving(s) sweet potato multigrain bbq chips|
|1 slice(s) American cheese|
|1 medium fresh tomato(es)|
|2 serving(s) new york croutons asiago|
|1 oz cooked skinless, boneless chicken breast(s)|
|1 cup(s) uncooked bell pepper(s)|
|2 serving(s) Lite Buffalo Ranch 2tbsp|
|2 cup(s) fresh spinach|
|1/2 cup(s) unsweetened dill pickle(s)|
|8 medium uncooked baby carrots|
|1 serving(s) Lemon Greek Yogurt frozen|
|1 serving(s) frosty lemon cookie|
|11 g Hormel Bacon Bits|
|Food PointsPlus values total used||63|
|Food PointsPlus values remaining||4|
|No entries for activity.|
|Activity PointsPlus values earned||0|