The Journey So Far...

The Journey So Far...

Friday, August 2, 2013

Day 30

So my physical went well enough.

Everything seems fine. I had a pap smear, and blood work and I got a prescription for birth control. Ocella same as before. It's what I wanted.

I am both excited and saddened. I am excited because I know how much better being on birth control actually makes me feel. I am saddened because it feels like one more nail in the coffin that I've been so reluctant to shut even for a time.

I have friends telling me that it "looks unlikely" that I will ever have children, as if hearing it so frankly somehow helps me to accept it as a fact and find closure. I don't know if that is ever going to get any easier, and I don't think I can apologize for it. I shouldn't have to. If my pain makes someone uncomfortable that isn't on me. At that point it isn't even about me. I mean good GOD. If I sit down to watch a movie with people and infertility is mentioned I get knowing stares and I get to hear my friends whisper quietly about how this must be affecting me.

I will find closure on this naturally, with my husband in a private setting, and with lots of time and healing.

I'll let you guys know the results of the blood tests etc when they come in. In the mean time I talked to my doctor about Weight Watchers and found that she isn't very fond of the new program. Funnily enough, neither am I. I hate that we are not counting fruit now. I mean I get that fruit being free encourages us to eat more of it in lieu of other things like chips and pastries etc, but fruit still packs a lot of sugar. So my doctor and I decided to give it some time the way that it is and if my weight loss slows or stalls that I should start counting fruit again. Guys, I can eat a lot of fruit. I eat it to feel full. I know I need to get over eating until I am like really full but one hurdle at a time right?

Gym tomorrow, and Saturday or Sunday to make up for today. Also new shoes tomorrow as long as I can afford them! Wish me luck!

Thursday, August 01, 2013
2  sandwich(es) Classics chargrilled chicken sandwich
2  packet(s) Dressings & Sauces barbecue sauce
1  serving(s) Side Items small fruit cup
1  serving(s) avocado ranch
1  serving(s) Side Items side salad
2  serving(s) Hormel sandwich makers pork bbq
1  item(s) thin sandwich bread
13  chips New York Style Pita Chips
1  serving(s) sweet potato multigrain bbq chips
1  slice(s) American cheese
1  medium fresh tomato(es)
2  serving(s) new york croutons asiago
1  oz cooked skinless, boneless chicken breast(s)
1  cup(s) uncooked bell pepper(s)
2  serving(s) Lite Buffalo Ranch 2tbsp
2  cup(s) fresh spinach
1/2 cup(s) unsweetened dill pickle(s)
8  medium uncooked baby carrots
1  serving(s) Lemon Greek Yogurt frozen
1  serving(s) frosty lemon cookie
11  g Hormel Bacon Bits
Food PointsPlus values total used63
Food PointsPlus values remaining4
No entries for activity. 
Activity PointsPlus values earned0

1 comment:

Liz @ The Shrinking Owl said...

Are any of your friends doctors? If not, they should not be commenting on the state of your uterus unless it to offer you support and love.