Day 287

I have a some fasting blood work tomorrow for a physical next week, and so I ate my last meal just a few moments ago. Dinner would have been done sooner except I opted to go to the gym tonight and pushed my schedule back some. I'm really nervous about the blood work. I don't want diabetes. I know, chances are at this point in the game I don't have it, but after being so heavy for so long it does indeed scare me. Especially with PCOS and insulin resistance. So, I'm a touch on the freaked out side. I'm also worried about the physical next week. I haven't had many good experiences with doctors in my life! I like this doctor so far though, and I have my weigh in book to bring with me to show my progress. You cant sneeze at 90lbs in less than a year right?

Spring Challenge Check In!

My goals are:
1. Exercise 1 hour a day 5 days a week for 13 weeks.
2. Eat the WW recommended servings of fruits and vegetables every day.
3. Go to as many WW meetings as I possibly can.
4. Check in on Mondays.
5. Get a bike. Finally.

1. I recently revised my goals to 3 days a week, and so far so good.
2. I'm doing it most days now, and even today I got 5 servings.
3. I went to my meeting!
4. Totally checking in right now!
5. I get a bike soon! It will still take some time for me to get my bike because of money, but soon enough it shouldn't be a problem. I was worried about not being able to ride one because of my weight but I think now it should be okay. :)

Now something I like about myself. I like that I am losing weight and that I am sticking with it! It takes real guts to do this so don't ever let anyone tell you any different. If you have the ability to do this then I cant imagine a task you cant accomplish.

Today:
1 can soup: 5
1 arnolds sand thin: 1
1 serving mayo: 1
1 serving cheese: 2
1/2 serving lunch meat: 1
1 serving pickles: 0
1 serving cheddar rice crisps: 2
1 arnolds sand thin: 1
1/2 serving pb: 2
1 serving jam: 1
1 serving almonds: 2
1 pudding: 1
1 serving brown rice: 4
1 serving chicken curry w lots of veggies: 5
extra cup of rice: 5
1/2 serving curry: 3
36/38

Day 280

Something that makes me smile? I have more energy and it doesn't hurt as much to use it. My poor husband is sick, but went to work anyway and now he feels rather horrid. So I'm taking care of him, and doing the things he normally does at night. A year ago I would not have been capable of the tedious back and forth, up and down type stuff. I'd have helped him as much as I could, but he would still have had to do things for me...and he would have because he loves me (and he in fact keeps asking me if I need help). Tonight though, I can totally take care of him. That makes me smile.

I think I'm off to a pretty nice march here so far. I can see Diet Parade just around the corner up ahead. I'm having trouble planning my points out so that I don't have a ton left over at the end of the evening...but so far that seems to be it. My veggies could be better, but I got 7 servings of fruits and veggies in today...

I went to the gym and I did 55 minutes of cardio and my full circuit. Yes, I am so counting that 55 minutes as an hour! I was getting a pretty bad headache. I have been fighting a headache since last Thursday, but I have meds from last time to try and make sure it doesn't turn into a migraine again.

So I fell off for a month here, and the Monday Spring Challenge Check in's haven't been coming. I'm sorry for that, but I am going to post one tonight because I'm back and even though I've neglected...well...everything, I want to get it all straight.

My goals are:
1. Exercise 1 hour a day 5 days a week for 13 weeks.
2. Eat the WW recommended servings of fruits and vegetables every day.
3. Go to as many WW meetings as I possibly can.
4. Check in on Mondays.
5. Get a bike. Finally.

1. I am getting back to it! I know its late, but I am determined!
2. I again am getting better but I'm still a work in progress.
3. I went to my meeting!
4. Totally checking in right now!
5. Soon! I almost went bike riding at the beach with Chad, but Uncle Freddy came a knockin' almost as soon as we realized the condo came with bikes!

Now something I like about myself. I like that I am without a doubt, resilient. Despite being down and out, or falling back I will never give up. I will be fighting this battle for the rest of my life. Nothing ends at 165lbs, life begins anew! I still have to be careful though because I know the risks of food and lifestyle choices. I will never be 400+ again, but I'll have to be mindful. And who knows? Being down and out recently could be a cyclic thing, I might have to fight this and "fake it until I make" it several times before I hit 165. Does that make it less worth it? No way. I will be riding roller coasters, wearing smaller clothes, taking care of sick husbands and having babies by the time I am done. Living life is always worth bouncing back.

Today:
2 low fat whole grain waffles: 2
w 1 serving reduced cal syrup: 2
1 banana: 2
1 arnolds sand thin: 1
1 veggie burger: 2
1 serving cheddar rice crisps: 2
1 banana: 2
1 serving chicken tomato and potato stew: 9
1 arnolds sand thin: 1
1/2 serving cheese: 1
1/2 serving turkey breast lunch meat: 1
1 serving mustard: 0
2 slices tomato: 0
1 slice roasted red pepper: 0
1 serving dinner (later): 9
1 slice diet cherry pepsi cake: 4
38/38

Diet Cherry Pepsi cake

1 box any reduced sugar (or not) chocolate cake
12 oz diet cherry pepsi
1 pack ff, sf, instant chocolate pudding (4 serving box)
2 egg whites
1 20 oz can cherry pie filling

Mix dry cake mix, pudding mix, egg whites, and pepsi until well blended.

Spoon mixture into bottom of prepared bundt pan.

Spoon half the can of cherries in on top.

Spoon the rest of the cake mixture on top of the cherries.

Bake as package directs (check though, mine took the lower amount of time).

After the cake cools, remove it from the bundt pan and pour the remaining pie filling over the top.

Enjoy!

Day 245

Spring Challenge Check In!

My goals are:
1. Exercise 1 hour a day 5 days a week for 13 weeks.
2. Eat the WW recommended servings of fruits and vegetables every day.
3. Go to as many WW meetings as I possibly can.
4. Check in on Mondays.
5. Get a bike. Finally.

1. I am getting back to it! I went to the gym 3 times and was pretty active for most of the week.
2. I again am getting better but I'm still a work in progress.
3. I went to my meeting!
4. Totally checking in right now! (late sorry!)
5. 9 weeks from now...

Now something I like about myself. I like that I am a giving person. I give of myself and my time pretty constantly. It's rewarding for the most part but I find at other times I get so overwhelmed that I want to shut myself in for periods of time. I'm always afraid that I wont be able to do something I've said I was going to, be it anything from making a blog post to being somewhere on time, to making a phone call. Its a little unfair to everyone around me that I have some trouble dealing with the same kinds of stresses that everyone else does, but I'm trying. I like that I'm a giving person and that despite wanting to run home and bury myself under the covers I'm still out there. It's kind of like that with the gym too. Even though its me giving it to myself, it feels similar. And it counts because part of this journey is about learning to be good to myself.

Getting there slowly...

Day 238

Remember yesterday when I said I would paint myself in positivity? My laptop wont turn on, and I am so upset about it that I honestly want to throw up. I know that sounds stupid, but it took me a long time to pay for it, and I have this immense fear that I will not be able to replace it. I have a warranty and HP is sending me a box, but it got something splashed on it and I'm not covered for accidental damage. I don't know if it was the splash, but I can guess.

I want to go ahead with being positive, but I feel like I cant catch a break here.

I don't have a weigh in for you for the first time in a while. My husband and I both slept through the meeting. We don't really spend a lot of time together during the week and our weekends are becoming increasingly busy. So on Saturday night we made the mistake of sitting up way to late talking, and kind of catching up. We don't know if our alarm didn't go off, or if we slept through it for over an hour, because that's how long it takes to turn itself off. That was then, and now I am putting it behind me.

Today, as step one, I caught up on all of the chores that were stressing me out here at the house. The ones that keep me glued to the house out of anxiety, instead of going to the gym. It took me all day, and was a lot of work, but I do feel better about that. Next to get back into doing a little bit each day and not procrastinating until after the gym, at which time I am always too tired. I definitly got my foot in the door today and it makes me feel accomplished. I still have laundry to do, but it doesn't make me feel overwhelmed and frozen.

Tomorrow I will be able to get up, go about my day and when it comes time to go to the gym, I should be ready to go.

One thing that I have learned about myself over the coarse of this journey which ties into the above is that if I am stressed I break down. My whole process suffers from eating to exercising to sleeping. So I am going to begin to take steps to make my life much less bumpy. I'm going to do more planning ahead, and I am going to learn to budget my time better. Not only have I learned this, but I am still in the process of learning it and doing something about it! I wanted to do something about the stress first because it is a big roadblock for me.

Spring Challenge Check In!

So this past week was bad, but this week will be better. I believe I failed on all accounts, except for the checking in today. I'm not going to dwell on that though, I am going to take a page out of Loretta's book: I am back, and so I am going to let my actions and words not only prove that, but guide me. Can I be depressed? Sure, I'm not sure I can avoid it. I can, however, avoid letting it drive this parade right into a ditch. Besides, my scale said I was down this week, and though I cant count on it, I appreciated the boost.

Something I like about myself: I like that I am determined to succeed. I am no stranger to starting over again and again and again only to all deeper into that hole. I'm not starting over and haven't yet. I feel like these struggles are part of the process and I'm ready to push past them now!

Day 230, 231

So after this post, posts will go back to being once a day again for the most part.

On Sunday at weigh in I gained 0.2lbs. I think the party on Saturday and the sodium involved had a bunch to do with it, and I could complain and shake my fist but honestly? It wasn't a great week. I had a really hard time motivating myself to go to the gym and work out, and then my sleep went haywire. I was finally able to sleep last night. I do not know what kept me awake for so long. It could be stress (like everything else is), but it hasn't ever happened like that before. I had this pain in my neck and one shoulder and I couldn't get comfortable and then my brain just. would. not. shut. up. I'm hoping that this was an isolated event and that it wont happen again. Not sleeping was horrible, I felt like a zombie, numb but mobile somehow. I took today off too (just from the gym) to get myself back together after being a head case for 3 days.

I think I am still having some trouble with getting back onto the groove of everything here. I keep losing my focus in day to day life. I think I need to go back to my rules, or perhaps re-evaluate them. Our meeting this week was about what was keeping us from success and I have been thinking a lot about that. My environment is not it. I think my environment is pretty conducive to my diet, especially now that I've moved. Some of it is my friends, but not all of them. I have trouble saying no, and some of them have trouble accepting or dealing with what I am trying to do. My time management and planning have something to do with it too. I end up late or I end up running out of time (like on Thursdays) and I never plan for a successful outcome. These are some of the things the WW booklet mentions, but honestly? Its me. I am the one who has trouble saying no, and budgeting my time. I never thought I was the kind of girl who gives in to social pressure (Never tried smoking, never done any drugs not even experimenting, and I don't really drink.), I don't even take a lot of tylenol. Food though? It has this hold on my feelings and emotions. It's connected to my sense of comfort and belonging and even love. That is pretty powerful. I'm in wonder of those people (and there are some!) who can make this long journey without addressing their psyche.

So for those of you who are new here or just new to this blog: Am I failing because I maintained/gained this week? No way! I am still over 83lbs down! Like I said before, a stumble or failure doesn't have to be the end. It is an inevitable part of a very long journey, and this wasn't even a stumble. Some of you are reading me now for motivation, so I wanted to say if you take anything from my blog I want it to be the ability to just keep going! It takes 6-8 weeks to make something a habit and so much less time to screw that back up. Most of us give up before we can even get into the groove which may not be that much easier, but it so worth it. We get paid for our results. We get to live and breathe a little longer and little more comfortably.

I have discovered (just now it hit me) that my biggest problem is that I have put a time limit on how long I want it to take me to lose weight. I gave myself 2 years. I'll be 28/29 and I want to have children so I gave myself this mental finish line. My body does what it has to and I lose weight at the speed of my commitment which isn't going to be the same every day. I'm human you know? I want to get it off in two years, but honestly? I still have a long road to travel and the idea that I'm setting myself back time wise every time I don't lose weight is making me crazy. So: No more time crunch. I still want the weight off fast, but more than that I just want it off. Wow, what a random epiphany.

I'm going to come back strong this week. I feel like a woman on a mission here. I will lose more weight!

Spring Challenge Check In!

My goals are:
1. Exercise 1 hour a day 5 days a week for 13 weeks.
2. Eat the WW recommended servings of fruits and vegetables every day.
3. Go to as many WW meetings as I possibly can.
4. Check in on Mondays.
5. Get a bike. Finally.

1. I did not go to the gym enough this week, but I did go twice.
2. I did pretty well again this week, but I took Sunday off food and exercise wise as I was pretty much dead to the world and needed the break from thinking...about anything.
3. I went to my meeting! I've hit every one since the start of the challenge breaking a streak of missing them pretty often!
4. Totally checking in right now!
5. 9 weeks from now...

Now something I like about myself. I like that suddenly I have motivation and dreams again! Before my only dream (the only one I had left after gaining so much weight killed the rest) was to have children...then the weight killed that dream too. So I struck out at it in what I felt like was the last time I might even ever try. I had pretty much had it with everything at that moment. I started gaining ground and losing weight and suddenly I started feeling like there were more possibilities in my life. I feel like I have more open outcomes than I ever have before. It feels freeing, and that's what I'm after: Being free.

Today:
1 serving pasta: 3
1 serving veg sauce: 2
second serving: 6
1 bag broccoli slaw: 1
1 tbsp olive oil: 3
1 serving black bean sauce: 2
1 fruit bar: 2
1 serving fruit snack: 3
1 serving rice crisps: 2
1 serving chicken pot pie: 7
1 yogurt: 2
1 (later) serving chicken pot pie: 7
40/40

Day 224

It was a strange day today. I didn't get to the gym so tomorrow will be my first day back, but I danced for a bit, cleaned my house and then my husband and I walked after dinner. We went to subway for dinner tonight at my request. I fell on my glasses today and bent them so that they don't really fit on my face...so as I was trying to prep dinner tonight they kept falling off and I was getting really frustrated.

I did get a nice surprise today though. I had asked my husband to take the day off today because we really didn't get a lot of time together this weekend, and we spent a bit of that arguing (we don't really argue, its more my moods swinging than anything else honestly). Honestly we spend most weekends now running errands and doing things with other people. We almost never get alone time anymore, and I will admit that I've been a little emotional about it (and that it was most of what we were arguing about all weekend). He could not get today off though, and he felt bad about it, and I was disappointed. So tonight he came home and handed me a note that said: "a coupon for you, because you're super awesome of course!" And inside it said: "good for one day off of work." So I looked at him and started to tell him that it was sweet and he told me to read the fine print...At the bottom of the note written really small it said: "I took tomorrow off."

I love my husband. I'm going to repay him by making him go to the gym with me tomorrow!

Spring Challenge Check In!

My goals are:
1. Exercise 1 hour a day 5 days a week for 13 weeks.
2. Eat the WW recommended servings of fruits and vegetables every day.
3. Go to as many WW meetings as I possibly can.
4. Check in on Mondays.
5. Get a bike. Finally.

1. I did not go to the gym at all this week and was a lot less active than usual, but it didn't hurt me and I'm not (that) upset about it.
2. I did pretty well again this week, I even chose to get the salad bar at Chucky Cheese!
3. I went to my meeting and lost weight!
4. Totally checking in right now!
5. 10 weeks from now...

Now something I like about myself. I like that I have a great capacity for love. I love people and animals, sometimes to the detriment of myself. I sometimes give more than I should emotionally and sometimes even physically or financially (especially in terms of my cats). Sometimes I feel completely overwhelmed, but at the end of the day I would not change a thing. The rewards (love in return) are worth it.

Today:
2 crab cakes: 6
2 tbsp mango chutney: 2
1 cup green beans: 0
1 arnolds sand: 1
1 veggie burger: 2
1 tbsp light ranch: 1
1 serving spinach: 0
1 serving pickles: 0
1 can soup: 5
1 serving rice crisps: 2
1 yogurt: 1
1 subway sub (w/mayo and cheese): 14
1 serving sunchips: 4
1/2 cookie: 1
39/40

I actually got to 8 servings of veggies today! It looks like (according to my online points tracker) I only need 8 now! That's one less to worry about!

Day 217

I am not feeling so well today. I have my (TMI ALERT) period. It is always like this. I had a great week last week and I am back on track, and now I get to face down this week of a lot less exercise (if any, it just has to be that way or I'll drive myself nuts with destroyed clothes and fatigue). Life always happens so I guess to succeed we have to work with it, and not against it. I did not go to the gym today, but I'm not ruling it out for tomorrow. I want to go. I feel different for having not gone, and I know I'd have felt better had I been able to go. If it wasn't for embarrassing myself I might have gone anyway. I am re reading this paragraph and I see that it seems down, but it isn't! I feel fine today. I also have some good stuff to talk about...

My measurements! The last measurements I have written down are from October, but I know I took them a month later, I just cant find them. After that however I had not taken any measurements until last night. I was thinking that with how slow the weight loss was being that I ought to look at my inches and I am so glad I did! I lost 8 3/4 inches on my hips, 4 1/4 inches on my waist, 6 1/4 inches on my bust, and 8 inches off of my underbust! There were more inches lost on my thighs, neck, and arms, but those above are the real confidence boosters. The only thing that worries me is my calf looks like it gained 1/2 an inch. I probably measured differently or something.

Spring Challenge Check in!

My goals are:
1. Exercise 1 hour a day 5 days a week for 13 weeks.
2. Eat the WW recommended servings of fruits and vegetables every day.
3. Go to as many WW meetings as I possibly can.
4. Check in on Mondays.
5. Get a bike. Finally.

1. I rocked it this week! I was awesome!
2. Same as above, I think I might have come up one or two short on a day or two but I have to eat nine servings a day!
3. I went to my meeting and lost weight! Proof that I am on the right track again. Next week I go back with walking shoes!
4. Totally checking in right now!
5. 11 weeks from now...

Now something I like about myself. I can write really well sometimes...or rather I used to. I haven't written in years. It used to be a dream of mine to write a novel. Something in the realm of urban fantasy, which is my favorite to read. People would tell me I was great, but I would always give up. I know this is going to sound strange, but being fat/obese made me feel dumb. I know that carbs in excess can make us "foggy" but I felt like a dull butter knife. I couldn't get out the words that I wanted to say in conversation or on paper. I'm starting to feel better, and I'm feeling antsy like maybe I should get back to writing again. I don't know what holds me back, but I bet its related to this journey! Everything else is!

Today:
1 serving bran flakes: 2
1/2 serving cheerios: 1
1/2 cup skim milk: 1
1 serving chicken tikka w/rice: 7
1 1/2 serving bean soup: 6
1 arnolds sand thin: 1
1 veggie burger: 2
1 serving spinach: 0
1 serving pickles: 0
1 tbsp ranch: 1
1 serving rice crisps: 2
1 enchilada: 8
1 1/2 cup corn: 3
1/2 enchilada: 4
1 tbsp ff sour cream: 1
1 fruit bar: 1
39/41

I got in all of my veggies again today! I had something else planned for dinner but when I looked at my food log I knew I needed something much heavier in veggies. My enchiladas pack 2 servings of fruits and veggies per serving, so I switched gears from Indian cuisine to Mexican/Texmex. I'm kinda proud of myself for that too. I saw the need and adapted to fill it.

Day 208, 209, 210

Easter weekend was a lot of fun, and busy. Sorry for the two missing posts! A recap of the weekend:

The bachelorette party was fun, but not really my thing. The food was pretty easy to calculate, but not really good enough to tempt me to the line.

Easter is a different story though. I was given a basket, the majority of which I have already packed up in baggies to go to neighborhood children, but some of which I ate...on Sunday. I want very badly to dwell in the copious amount of stupid that decision stirred up but that doesn't get me anywhere, and I end up in a downward spiral. Still learning? Oh yes! I have to give myself a little positive here though. A year ago I'd have devoured that whole basket in a less than two days. I didn't do enough damage to go over my weekly points and if I did, I had a whopping 30+ exercise points waiting in the wings. I know I don't talk about exercise points, but that is only because I never ever use them. Its only Monday and I already have 11 from today for the week. I guess I'm not against using them if I need to, but I don't want to need to if you know what I mean.

My food for Saturday and Sunday was not great, but I managed to get in most of my veggies on Saturday, Sunday I'm not so sure of.

Spring Challenge Check in!

My goals are:
1. Exercise 1 hour a day 5 days a week for 13 weeks.
2. Eat the WW recommended servings of fruits and vegetables every day.
3. Go to as many WW meetings as I possibly can.
4. Check in on Mondays.
5. Get a bike. Finally.

1. This week was much better than last week. I did 4 out of the 5 days required, but I also stepped my workout back up.
2. Same as above, I'm actually surprised at how well I did with that part. Except Sunday I was pretty right on ever day. I was 2 servings short on Saturday. I am finding that counting the servings of veggies leads me to eat more of them to make sure I get to the total needed for the challenge. It has been motivating!
3. There was no meeting, as I said before, my meetings are on Sunday and that was Easter.
4. Totally checking in right now!
5. 12 weeks from now...

Now something I like about myself. I think that this part is actually going to be one of the hardest of the challenge. I am getting off to what feels like a pretty rocky start here. I stumbled hard a couple of weeks ago and I am still trying to get my feet back under me. I always feel embarrased by my mistakes like someone is going to read this and judge me in some way. I think that everyone makes mistakes, and I know I'm not alone, but it feels very different when you are standing there in the mirror going over your week. So the thing that I like about myself for this week? I'm very introspective. I can (most of the time) get to the bottom of an issue that I am having and solve my problem. I'm rational enough because of that to pick up the pieces after a meltdown. I'm also quite self aware (inside) and I'm conscious of my feelings and emotions. Now managing all of that... ha. I think this is something I got from my mother and my grandfather, who both share that trait. I think that fits the mood of this blog right now! My goodness Ruby, pick yourself up already!

So I am posting the food log for today (Day 210), but I do have the logs for the 2 missed days. If anyone would like to see them I will post them!

Today:
1 veg burger: 2
1 arnolds sand: 1
2 cups steamed mixed veggies (corn incl): 5
1 serving cheese: 2
2 serving salsa: 1
1 serving rice crisps: 2
1 veg burger: 2
1 arnolds san: 1
1 yogurt: 2
3 1/2 oz roasted pork loin: 4
1 cup toasted almond rice pilaf: 6
1 cup steamed mixed veggies: 0
1/2 serving nutella: 3
1 serving jam: 1
1 sand thin: 1
1 serving ice cream: 2
35/41

Oh! I also went again to the gym today. I am consistantly doing an hour on the treadmill at 40-45 resistance. I've been increasing it a little when I feel comfortable. All of the calorie calculators tell me that every time I do an hour I am burning over a thousand calories. It also looks like I burn almost 500 calories on my circuit. I think thats amazing. Now to get it up to 5 days a week!

Day 204

I'm sorry! I forgot to say one thing about myself that I like for the challenge! I can sing. I'm not sure how well, though people tell me I should go out for American Idol. I feel strange even saying that I could. There are no fat Idols however... I feel really relaxed when I'm singing and sometimes I use it as a stress relief. I hope this doesn't sound weird, but it also makes me feel more connected to...everything. I have always wanted to do something with my voice, but I've never had the confidence, mostly due to this weight. Who knows? Maybe I'll finally do something productive with it in a year or so...if weight loss can happen so can anything else.

Today was a good day, my food was good. I went to lunch with friends and still managed to get in my veggies for the day I wasn't very active though. I am going to take a long leisurely walk with my husband before I go to bed though in order to get a little purposeful (not just cleaning house and chasing a puppy) activity in.

Sorry this post is going to be so short! Chad is really tired, and we both still have too many points left. I'm going to try and get offline before too long so I can spend some time with him.

Sushi: 16
2 cups steamed broccoli: 0
1 serving full fat cheese: 4
2 tbsp ff honey mustard: 1
1 apple: 1
1 serving beef stew (3 servings veggies): 4
1 cup tea with ff cream: 2
1 arnolds sand thin: 1
1 serving jam: 1
1/2 serving nutella: 2
32/41

Day 203

Today was great! I ate well, went to the gym and I am finding time to blog before 4am!

At the gym all of the elliptical were taken for the first half of my cardio so I jumped back on the trusty treadmill. Then for my weight circuit I totally stepped it up (it kicked my butt). I did 3 and 4 sets on each machine (not the pull down lat, that one is evil.). I took my time and I didn't rush. Then I found an open elliptical and did 15 minutes. I'm not really sure what standard is, or even if I can be held to what is normal in any case. I upped my resistance to 30 today, and I try to keep my strides per minute at 70 or more. Every few minutes I get my steps up a lot higher (I always forget to look at the display on the machine when I am working that hard) and then bring it back down to 70 again. 70 is actually quite challenging and I find that sometimes because I am so heavy I will start to go faster than I really want to which wipes me out...which is why I upped the resistance. I almost can not tell that I upped it at all, so maybe tomorrow I will up it a little more.

I have 6 servings of fruits and veggies today so far, and I am going to eat some more fruit to get those last 3 in for the day.

Spring Challenge Check in!

My goals are:
1. Exercise 1 hour a day 5 days a week for 13 weeks.
2. Eat the WW recommended servings of fruits and vegetables every day.
3. Go to as many WW meetings as I possibly can.
4. Check in on Mondays.
5. Get a bike. Finally.

1. I was great Monday - Thursday and then on Sunday I was quite active. Friday and Saturday I fell down on the challenge!
2. Again, same as above. Actually I have to say that it is really hard to get 9 servings of fruits and veggies every day. Or rather to remember to. Its a little easier when you realize that a serving is generally 1/2 a cup.
3. I went to the meeting, even though I was afraid!
4. Totally checking in right now!
5. 12 weeks from now...

So, iffy week, but another great start! All of the comments were right on, it isn't about the fall, its totally about the rebound.

Today:
1 serving cheerios: 2
1/2 cup milk: 1
1 banana: 2
1 can soup: 5
1 serving cheese: 2
1 100 cal pack: 1
1 arnolds sand thin: 1
1 serving mayo: 1
1 serving spinach: 0
1 serving pickles: 0
1 serving cheese: 2
1 serving dorito off brands: 5
1 serving buffalo chicken mac and cheese (before you gasp at the points it includes chicken, veggies and mac and cheese, so a well rounded meal in a casserole! I love it): 13
35/41

Day 196

I am supposed to check in every Monday, but this is just day 1 of the challenge for me! It has however gotten off to a great start. I am at 10 servings of fruits and vegetables, and I had one of the best workouts I have had in months.

Today I went to the gym thinking that I would kick the challenge off a little easier than I would have usually. I wanted to just do an hour at the gym today instead of my normal 2 hours. I haven't been in a while, and I didn't want to over do it. I was going to do 30 (15-circuit-15) minutes on the treadmill and then my strength circuit. I got on the treadmill and started at 2.8mph which is a touch higher than usual, after a few minutes I got it up to 3.0 and managed to walk without holding on to anything! That felt pretty incredible and so when I got to 15 minutes I was so close to a mile that I kept going. After 21 minutes on the treadmill I was walking toward the weight machines when I saw an open elliptical machine next to my mom. I decided to try it. I don't know why I suddenly wanted to, but there I was arranging my feet on the paddles and trying to figure out the digital controls. It took me a minute but I figured it out. At first it felt weird and wasn't going very smoothly. It felt jerky. The moment that I figured it out and started moving smoothly and without fear of falling off I said "Ohh!" Then it took me 5 minutes to figure out that I didn't need to move so fast, which was killing me! It was so easy, but I was dripping with sweat and breathing so hard. So I stopped and took a second and restarted, going slower, but still moving pretty good. In total I ended up doing a full 30 minutes on the elliptical and let me just tell you, I do not think I have ever sweated that way at the gym before. My hair was soaked and my face was red. 30 minutes there was worth more than an hour on the treadmill! It was hard work. I think that I might change my workout around a bit to get that elliptical in whenever I go because I think it will make a big difference. I don't think that I can do a full hour on it yet, and perhaps I can't do that and the treadmill in the same 1 to 2 hours at the gym. But I could definitely do 30 minutes whenever I go though. It really was one of the best work outs I have had in months, and with my circuit added it would be challenging and engaging, which is something I have been missing in my work outs.

So day 1 of the challenge rocked! What did not rock was that my car, while parked legally outside my house was crashed into by a police officer. We know because they left an accident report on the windshield. Its crazy because I live on a side street, like 20 feet from a police station. They hit my 1990 Ford Taurus (Tank) so hard that they annihilated the drivers side headlight and peeled the steel on the side of the car back over the wheel well. How fast do you need to be going on a side street to do that kind of damage to someones really old, really heavy tank of a car? I'm not angry, because it wasn't a hit and run and I'm sure it wasn't on purpose, but we have enough issues to deal with don't you think?

Today:
1 cup bran flakes: 2
1/2 cup skim milk: 1
1 banana: 2
1 serving cheesy tuna mac: 7
2 cups stir fried veggies: 2
2 tbsp szechuan sauce: 2
1 yogurt: 2
1 cookie: 1
1 serving meatloaf pizza pie: 9
1 serving peas: 1
2 serving steamed broccoli: 0
1 tbsp ranch: 1
1 oz cheese: 2
ADDED:
1 serving ice cream: 3
1 bag popcorn: 5
40/41

I'm psyched that I am already finished with my quota for veggies and fruit. I think I am going to have some ice cream and watch tv for a while.

Day 195

I made the meeting today! No waiting: I lost exactly 1 pound. This makes my current weight 340.4, and my total loss 77.4 lbs. I will take it! Especially considering the few weeks I have had lately. I have been lucky, honestly because I haven't been on the ball. Yeah I have had a bad run, a killer week long migraine and moving, and the monthly from way down below, but how long am I going to let these things get in my way?

Yeah I'm not going to hurt myself over what I couldn't do, and I don't feel like these things weren't valid. I'm just trying not to let a bad run turn into hurricane season for diet parade. I won't lie, I wont be perfect, ever. That's part of the beauty of the journey! I have learned enough from all of the previous times I have tried to lose weight to find the one thing that I believe makes the difference and keeps me here, doing this, when all I think I want to do is fail for reliefs sake! I don't want to fail. Every single pound I lose brings me closer to being under 300lbs which is something I haven't been since before I was 16. Every step brings me closer to the things I want, and finally feel like I deserve! I cant give this up! I've come further than I ever have before! What is that one thing I have learned that I never realized in all of those previous tries? To keep going. I have learned that if I screw up, which is in fact a matter of a time and just life, that I don't have to start over, or quit, or binge out of frantic guilt. I am learning to let go of the guilt and keep moving. Has anyone else ever heard of the Isty Bitsy Spider? Sometimes that's what this feels like. I'm going to make it, I'm going to beat this weight, and defeat my inner demons. I'm at war with myself, and I intend to live.

Spring Challenge!

Loretta posted a Spring Challenge and I think I am going to do it with her. I'm starting tomorrow so I'm coming 2 days late, but I feel like its a positive step in the right direction. There is a prize, but I feel like I'll be giving a gift to myself just by finishing the challenge. It is 13 weeks long so I will be starting on March 22 and finishing on June 23.

I need to pick 5 of my own goals and try to stick to them (and maybe even turn them into habits) for 13 weeks.

My super hero goal is to exercise 5 days a week, for 13 weeks. It doesn't all have to be the gym, but I expect an hour a day in any combination of time (at least 15 minutes at a go).

I will eat my 9 servings of fruits and vegetables per day money and groceries permitting (I have to give slack for when I don't have supplies!).

I will make every single weekly Weight Watchers meeting between now, and then. I don't know if there will be one on Easter though, and I will be on vacation out of town on Sunday the 6th. So in 13 weeks I should be able to make 11 meetings which is a nice change from my twice a month right now!

I will check in every Monday, since I am starting on Monday.

At the end of 13 weeks, I am going to buy myself that bike, and start riding with my husband on the weekends.

So in short my goals are:
1. Exercise 1 hour a day 5 days a week for 13 weeks.
2. Eat the WW recommended servings of fruits and vegetables every day.
3. Go to as many WW meetings as I possibly can.
4. Check in on Mondays.
5. Get a bike. Finally.

Anyone who wants to do this challenge is welcome! Check in with Loretta!

Today:
half bbq chick salad: 5
1 cup broccoli cheddar soup: 4
2 cookies: 2
1 subway sub: 13
1 serving baked lays: 3
1 serving cereal: 2
1 serving skim milk: 1
1 serving cheesy tuna mac: 9
1/3 molten cake shared with husband as a treat (my brother is a cook at Chilis): 9
41/41 + 7/33

Food will be much better tomorrow!