Week #51 Part A

I am calling this post "Part A" because my meeting center was closed today for the holiday. So I will be weighing in tomorrow.

It's good that this week is going to be a two-parter because I'm struggling y'all.

Not with the plan. I am counting and moving my body and trying to be as on point as I can be. Now lets discuss the "as I can be" part. I am struggling with my motivations.

My shoulder is hurt, my knee is hurt, my ankle is hurt. I had an allergic reaction on my face to a cream in my Ipsy bag this weekend, and I wore a bathing suit in front of my family for the first time in a year. So, I'm struggling with my body, hard core. My apron hangs, my skin has started to hang too. The apron is the hardest for me though. My pants cant hide it, shapers don't hide it, dresses and skirts don't hide it. I have a large chest, and combined I feel incredibly frumpy and unkempt. I feel incredibly unattractive. Combine that with the pain I am feeling and I feel punished.

So I have been eating more than I should this week and I think it's entirely emotional. I thought I was past this stuff. I'm not though. I find myself questioning what I am going to do with the rest of my life in a way that makes me afraid to get to goal. I'm afraid that I will be this empty, uninspired memory of someone who almost was.

I know these things aren't true though, rationally. I'm just struggling.

Big girl panties are on though, and I am still going, still fighting and still going forward,

Will I be a different person when this is over?

I'll be back tomorrow, hopefully with good news.