Still here, still going on.
I haven't made it back to the gym yet, despite wanting to. I feel like I am stuck and I don't quite know how to get moving again. I'm not gaining, so don't panic. I'm still on plan. I'm just not doing as well as before and I'm not losing.
I have an appointment to see my obgyn this month and 2 more to recheck my triglycerides. I feel like I'm coming to a cross roads here. I need one more year on birth control. I need it. Emotionally I cant handle this battle and the one that drives me to have kids at the same time. Now this will only be the end of my first year ever (in my life) on birth control, but now I'm wondering if it isn't what is elevating my triglycerides (research).
I'm also dealing with (still) the emotional fallout (all of my own doing) from everyone around me having babies or getting pregnant. It is way to easy to forget that it could happen, and that I am actively preventing now in order to make it more likely later. Its easy to trip and fall into that dark hole. I find myself needing to pull away socially in certain situations. I know, I know. I need to get up and stop crying and run towards my dreams and goals instead of whining about it and letting it get away from me.
What am I doing? I can not tell you how many times in the last few weeks this has been the thought in the front of my mind. I need to kick my own but into gym gear. Into commitment gear. I haven't given up, but dang have I ever let some of the direction go. Here I am looking in the mirror again, but now things have changed and the picture is feeling kind of fuzzy.
I've said it a million times, but don't give up on me. I am determined to lose the rest of my weight, and my burden. I'm not taking my time on purpose. I think that its just life.
1 homemade burger w cheese no bun: 6
sauted onions and peppers: 1
1 waffle: 1
1/2 serving nutella: 2
1 1/2 servings cheddar rice crisps: 3
1 serving cheese: 2
1 can soup: 3
1 banana: 2
1 cup watermelon: 1
1 cup rice: 4
1 serving sauted green beans with peppers and onions: 1
1 serving crock pot cantonese pork: 7
1/2 serving dinner (pork, greenbeans, and rice): 7
38/38 + 1/23 (used some this week)
2 years ago