The Journey So Far...

The Journey So Far...

Friday, May 28, 2010

Day 263

This post will include the first of my restarted food logs. But since I am posting so very early it wont be right now (4pm). I just want to talk about this while it is fresh in my mind.

I took a giant step in the right direction today I think. I know that I am stuck in a rut, I recognize that. I just haven't known what to do about it, and I've been a little afraid. I called my insurance company and I asked about my benefits and I called a therapist. Yikes. It kind of hurts to say that. I feel a little defeated though and mentally I cant seem to get over this hurdle. I know that in some way it is holding me back. I'm not going to dwell too much on this. I know that finding one can take time, and honestly even with my insurance my out of pocket will be astronomical at first. I'm going to take the process slowly and hopefully it will become an asset in the journey here. I'm not falling off of the intended path here so much as slowing my march down to a casual stroll, and I know that battles aren't won that way.

I want this, and I know I haven't been here but I do. I've gotten to a certain point and now I feel stuck. I'm not though, I just need a really good push. Please don't give up on me yet, I'm going to lose the rest of this weight, I am going to succeed. I've just got to get back to square, and whatever that means, I'm going to do it. I know some people just focus on the physical but I cant. I'm not saying that there is some terrifying underlying reason for why I swelled up over 400 pounds but I am saying that even if there are no reasons for the gain or for being okay with it for so long there is bound to be some scarring.

I'm working through it.


As Promised:

Today:
1 cup soup: 5
1 ww ice cream (it was really hot in here): 2
1 arnolds sandwich thin: 1
1 serving peanut butter: 2
2 servings jam: 3
1 serving triscuits: 2
1 huge serving lettuce: 0
1 cup chopped fresh veg: 0
2 oz chicken breast: 2
2 servings dressing: 5
1 serving cheese: 2
2 breaded wings: 7
1 serving cheesy chicken spaghetti: 7
Total: 38/38

7 comments:

Tricia said...

hang in there hun. have a great weekend!

Katie said...

I know what you mean. Sometimes you just have to take a breath and regroop and find a new reason to keep going. That's why I started my blog http://2f2r.blogspot.com/

THIN GIRL STUCK IN A FAT GIRLS BODY said...

You are ROCKING!!!!
Holy crap women you are loosing weight and fighting this battle.
I hope I too can loose my weight.
I started my blog today.
I feel alone and I hope we can be friends and help each other through this battle together.

midlife_swimmer said...

It's a lifestyle and a lifelong journey. Not just loosing but maintaining afterward. I try to think of that when it seems like the journey is so long and requires so many new things outside my initial comfort zone from food to types of exercise.

Rettakat said...

We are all so different. I read some blogs and they start, whiz on down powering thru issues and just pushing, and don't seem too into the mental part. I guess that works for some... maybe they already figured out that part.

But I know for me, I must work on the mental, even while I work on the physical. I totally get you needing some objective help sorting things out.

Don't worry about how fast or slow you are going. This is what you need NOW on this leg of your journey, and I think it's mature of you to recognize it and be proactive in finding some help with it.

And don't worry about us giving up on you... ha ha, ya couldn't get rid of us! We're all here rooting you on!
Hugs,
Loretta
=^..^=

Ashley said...

I can has recipe for Cheesy Chicken Spaghetti?

Christina said...

Wow, I somehow missed this post. I was just going to check in with you and tell you I missed you, and I saw this. BIG HUGS!! You are a strong woman. Knowing when to ask for help and actually asking for help are two things that require a ton of strength. BIG HUGS. You're in my thoughts.