The Journey So Far...

The Journey So Far...

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Day 38-45

No, I haven't quit, though I thought about it again. This past week or two has been pretty heavy for me. everything got paid. Our taxes and everything else we needed to pay. My bathroom is DONE, finally, and I have to admit, its nice to be able to take a bath in a tub I don't feel like I need a tetanus shot to use.

All of this however has left us extremely broke for the near future and I have to admit I was wallowing a bit. Then, my dogs ate my glasses. Yes, ate them. I have some of the pieces, but nothing can be fixed. Without insurance (I have insurance but I already used my allotment for glasses on the pair that was eaten) having them replaced will cost us $407.99. So I'm looking at alternate sites and stores right now.

There is so much going on right now and as I start to type it I find that I feel it's kind of pointless (and I always feel like I am complaining and I know that so many people have it so much worse). Not that I can't overcome it, but that I'd rather write about overcoming it than drowning in it. I just feel like there isn't any light burning at the end of the tunnel right now. I'm not being negative, but factual about what is going on in my head. I'm still faking it. I have to ask myself why, when my weight is holding me back from everything I want in life and shortening my life and making me miserable, do I still need to "fake" it. My stomach isn't the problem, it's my head. I'm letting this beast take everything from me. What is it going to take to light this dampened fire?!

None of this is important other than to say I am succumbing to life "as usual" and it isn't what I want. I want to rage against the flow or fight for my life as it were. I'm just having a hard time right now, and other than this blog and a few friends (who honestly have their own stuff to deal with) I don't really have a shoulder to lean on.

In any case, I'm going to take the next few days to get my act together. I am back to updating every day now, sunshine or not.


Anonymous said... is a great place for frames and lenses and you won't pay near $400! Good luck, and don't give up!

Rettakat said...

I think it's normal that we get hit with hard times, frustrations, and tempting thoughts to just say phooey, and quit. At least, I go through those, too. There will always be SOMEthing we wish was better in our lives.

But the key thing is: you didn't quit. And you won't. :-)

We just ride out the storms, and sooner or later calmer weather arrives.

I was thinking... I know just what you mean about "being factual about what is going on in my head." But one thing I'm learning is... just because it's going on in my head, doesn't mean it's true! Doesn't mean I have to accept it, and allow it to be my reality from now on. I can change how I view it, thus changing my reality, and my feelings.

Hey, most days I still feel like I'm faking it!! Big deal, LOL! As long as we keep going, that's what's important.

I had a lousy overeating day yesterday. I was pissed off, and not being careful. And just said screw it! and overate. But I'm back today. I don't have to allow that to be my reality TODAY, ya know?

Anyway, just wanted to encourage you to hang in there. Ups, downs, whatever comes... we can do this. We ARE doing this, because we won't quit. :-)