"You must do the thing you think you cannot do." -Eleanor Roosevelt
I am searching inside myself for whatever was in me before. I am looking pretty deeply. I haven't been feeling very well emotionally for a while. I know that this isn't really a good enough excuse to just give up on myself. I feel like I have/had half given up.
Tonight I went on a walk with a friend, and it felt good, but I still felt emotionally depleted so it was hard to discern that feeling at the time. I am taking a break from lifting with my arms/shoulders at the gym. My shoulder has been giving me a fit for weeks now. I am doing stretches for it and getting regular massages (husband, not professional) of that spot. It feels like the trapezius muscle so I am also taking a break from wearing a bra as much as possible. I am a 52 G cup, so this is a big deal.
I have been consistent making bad choices, and I think its time that I accept that this isn't going to be easy regardless of my emotional state. I know that already, but I need to stop using it as an excuse. I need to remind myself that there is more at stake than my comfort for the few fleeting moments it takes to eat something that doesn't deserve the space I am giving it in my life.
Hopefully I can find the steel somewhere in myself and pull it out for a long haul because I am not where I want to be, and I am not who I want to be. The only person with any power to change that is me right?
1 year ago