Day 70

Okay, I have made a few decisions.

1. I am recommitting to my journey, or rather recommitting to my commitment to it. My husband will be coming along with me this time as he did the first time. I am not restarting my day count because I feel like the last 70 days have been important. I should not ignore my struggle because it is just as important to the outcome as are the times when everything feels good or easy.

2. I am going to be active (even if it means lightly) 5 days a week. I am looking at at least 30 minutes of cardio per day. I'm not talking about killing myself. It could mean a long walk for one of the dogs, or it could mean a killer session on the Arc Trainer (Oh, how I miss thee.) at the gym. I want to get back to weight training, but I am giving my shoulder a break. That is not an excuse, I like weight training. I'm just not going to give myself further injury. I will see how it feels in a few weeks.

3. One of my largest problems is planning to have a great day and then getting up in the morning and letting my emotions take over. I am going to get up early enough (maybe 10 or 15 minutes) to reflect on the day I am about to have. Maybe it will end up being a short yoga session (I love my Heavyweight Yoga DVD!), but for now I just want it to serve as a platform for getting my thoughts straight.

4. I am going back to tracking every single little insignificant piece of food that goes into my mouth. It is way to easy for me to lie to myself about how a "bite" isn't that big of a deal and can't possibly have done that much harm. Trust me, the bites blend together until you hit the bottom of the bowl.

5. I am going to strive to eat the amount of veggie servings daily that Weight Watchers says I am supposed to have. 9 servings a day sounds daunting, and at first I am sure it will be. I wont beat myself up for not making it every time but I want it to be a very serious goal. I know it will make me feel better considering when I am off the wagon so-to-speak I hardly remember what vegetables look like.

I want this. If I can not focus on anything else in my life right now I am going to choose to focus on this. I want it, and I will be damned if I just let it go because I am ashamed of having failed or disappointed in my performance to start. No one is grading me but me! If there is one positive message or piece of advice I can give you as a failed (previous attempts) weight loss journey taker it is this: My worst enemy is and has always been me. No one throws me off but me. I make those bad choices and I choose to let myself get bowled over by an emotional attachment to food. I am not powerless. You are not powerless! I have all the tools I need given to me by community, love and God/the Universe (or whatever higher power you do or do not believe in).

When people question your choices, when they ask "Should you eat that?" or when they say "You could use the exercise anyway." or "I don't know why you would choose , it never works." ignore them. Shut them up with results. If you find that you aren't going where you want to go, change your methods based on your experience and research. That is what I am going to be trying to do.

I'm sorry if this sounded like a rant! It isn't! I just feel a little fiery tonight. Forward march!