The Journey So Far...

The Journey So Far...

Friday, January 13, 2012

I can't stop trying just because I've failed.

I'm not making resolutions. They are too freaking easy to break, and I need something that lasts longer than a fad.

So I have gone back to the gym, and I think I am going to keep going back. It's harder this time in a different way. I weigh the same or more than I did last time, but I'm still in a lot better shape this time. How is that even possible? The last time I was at this weight I couldn't do the tread mill for more than 10 minutes on the lowest settings without needing to stop, no exaggeration. Now I am still doing the elliptical for 30 minutes or more. I'm wondering if its giving me the same work out it did before. I am also back to strength training. My muscles hurt, but its nice to feel that way again.

My food is still crap. But I am working that out too. I need to be eating more fruits and veggies again but I have been so lazy! I don't know where this streak the last few months came from but good lord! So I have been writing down all of my thoughts and my plans. I am going back to Weight Watchers the week after Comcon (after next weekend). I will be using their system (meetings and online service) to track my progress again. I will also being using Sparkpeople as a resource this time too.

I am also going to teach myself some stretches (already started) which I did not do last time, AND (this kind of makes me excited) I am going to learn some yoga for fat people. I feel silly saying it like that, but it is what it is. I am fat, and while I don't want to stay that way I am not ashamed of myself. I don't know the right word for how I feel about my failure this last time. I seriously felt like the moon, stars, planets/whatever lined up to help me make that happen. Failing was hard. Harder than all the work I put into losing so much weight in the first place. Maybe I should try and remember that.

I'm not sure what to do about the emotional stuff. I will deal with what I can. I wouldn't mind seeing someone, but I can not afford it right now (or it seems ever, but I know that things can change and this will be a good year for us if we can just get through the property taxes). So right now, I am going to leave this topic laying where it is. I can't help but talk about it, because it's all intertwined into how I feel from day to day or how I handle things, but until something changes I am working with what I have.

One thing I took away from the last time was the experience of myself. I learned a lot about myself. Combined with the past two years, I know more about who I am and who I don't want to be than I ever have before.

So, one foot in front of the other. Life doesn't start over, it just continues.

14 comments:

Betty Rubble said...

Welcome back! I can't wait to follow this again!!!

Scarlet Simple said...

Betty: Thanks so much. I am actually feeling really good about making the choice to get back on board.

Rettakat said...

Oh Ruby, I'm so glad you are choosing to be proactive and go for this again. I've thought about you very often. I'll turn 61 tomorrow, and if I could have one birthday wish, it would be to somehow spark that "thing" in younger people like you, to do it NOW. To not wait like I did. And... here you are, doing it NOW. Look at that... I get YOU back for my birthday! :-)

"Life doesn't start over, it just continues." Truer words were never spoken. That's exactly how I've always looked at it, too.

I would suggest that you consider changing one thing: how you perceive these last few months. You think of it as "failing". I don't... you lost a few rounds in the battle, but you didn't lose the war. You found what didn't work. And you rallied the troops, and are at it again. You did not fail, you had a setback. Big difference. And you even ended up on the plus side: you are stronger in the gym!

I'm not making excuses for poor nutritional choices... I just saying you learned... you grew, and you make the hard choice to face it and continue.

I can't tell you how happy it makes me to see you actively taking charge of this again.

Hugs,
Loretta

Rettakat said...

Oh, and thank you for what you said about my Christmas day photo. That was sweet.

It was a frame lifted out of my vlog I shot on Christmas day... that's why it's a little fuzzy. http://lorettasjourney.blogspot.com/2011/12/dec-26th-i-did-it.html

mamajuliana said...

Welcome Back and Howdy!!!! New Year...New You! We all just gotta keep going!

Carbie Girl said...

just came in from Rettakats blog.. Im a new follower but kudos for coming back and getting back on track!! The emotional HAS be dealt with as we go, so definitely put it all out there if it helps <3 Sending positive vibes your way!!

Jules - big girl bombshell said...

stopping by via Loretta and glad I did...welcome back...I will be stopping by and you go girl!

Deb Willbefree said...

Welcome back at it. We haven't failed until we stop getting up.

Deb

MargieAnne said...

Popped over after Loretta mentioned your fresh beginning.

Wishing you all the best.

Blessings

Kimberley said...

Loretta sent me!!! Welcome back and I wish you all the success in the world...I love yoga and the last time I was weighed I was 304...you can do it to...just remember to respect the limits of your body! It will get easier with time. Great job on workin' it out at the gym!

affectionforfitness said...

Loretta is right! It is great that you have decided to keep fighting for your dreams and goals.

:-) Marion

Scarlet Simple said...

Thank you guys so much for the comments. I had forgotten just how supportive this community could be and I certainly need that more than I took into consideration before.

Theresa said...

I look forward to reading your blog. You are excellent at expressing yourself and a very good writer. :)

Joy said...

I'm with Loretta, do it now!! You won't regret it! I look forward to following your progress!!!

Keep focused!