The Journey So Far...

The Journey So Far...

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Day 14

Another quickie. Things don't really get easier. Its hard to remember how much you want to lose weight and how much you want to feel better and look better when all you can do is cry every time you see a picture or see anything that reminds you of what you are trying so hard to avoid. I dont want to spiral downward. I am trying so freaking hard not to spiral downward. Every inch of me wanted to run screaming toward whatever fat filled, emotionless buffet was open tonight, but I didnt. I did have some comfort food, but I totally didnt go overboard like I thought I was going to. I wanted to cut loose a bit today to reduce some of the soul crushing stress I'm feeling, but I ended up traveling the edge. I went 1 single point over today. One. Which isn't even breaking any rules as I havent used any of my extra points. I dont want to lose sight of my journey here while I'm grieving. God knows that Pop would have wanted me to be sucessful, probably even more than I want to be myself. The only thing I regret about the day is that I am feeling so much like crap that even if there had been no death in my life I would still not have made it to the gym today. I'm not giving up at all, I'm just slowing down for a minute.

What I learned in my second week on diet parade:
Cherish the ones you love.
Be good to yourself. You cant give anyone anything if you are falling apart too.
Misteps dont have to be failures unless you want to continue tripping.
I loved and admired my grandfather more than I ever knew.

1 Chicken Sandwich w/ bbq sauce: 6pts
1/2 Cheese steak sub w/ mayo: 20pts (this is an (hopefully) over estimation made using, so is everything below except the root beer)
1 small order of french fries w/ gravy: 13pts
1 12oz root beer: 6pts
Total for the Day: 44/44 and 1/35 extra points (renews Tues)

Yeah, I am also still sick, and now I have a cough. Rockin'.


Rettakat said...

You are doing well, all things considered. Eating healthy will help you feel better physically. You are going through such a hard time right now...please don't be too hard on yourself.

Allow yourself the freedom to grieve any way you need to...without calories, of course.

When my Mom died, one thing we did that somehow offered comfort was to go to a site called, and light a candle in her remembrance. I don't know why the ritual helped, but it did.

If you think you would like to honor your Grandfather in that way, here is the site:


G said...

Keep working at it, you're doing great.

Rayne said...

Im proud of you Ruby, your an amazingly strong willed person and I know you will get through this.
Death is never a easy thing, and it will take time but soon your grief will pass. he will always have a place in your heart, and Im sure you will never forget him just remember hes in a happy place now. watching over you smiling down on you and wanting the best for you, most likely sad that your crying so many tears but glad to know he was loved so much.

I love you Ruby please call me if you need me.