The Journey So Far...

The Journey So Far...

Friday, September 25, 2009

Day 17

Alright, so the gym was out today. I woke up congested and have been coughing pretty badly all day. I started to feel better tonight around 9pm, and as of right now at almost 3am, I feel pretty bad again. Everyone keeps telling me that I shouldn't exercise while sick, but I read online that it doesn't matter as long as I don't over do it. I mean, the cardio puts a little hurtin' on me, but the strength doesn't take my breath away, it just makes me sweat! I'm afraid with the week that I have had that I wont lose any weight. I dont want to have to face that scale like that! I want to feel confident and good. Bah. I am going to the gym tomorrow, come hell or high water!

Today was better. I had a hard time getting in all of my points and at 42 I'm done. I should say that I spent most of today coughing, and wouldnt have eaten anything until dinner time except that my mom came over and made me a sandwich, and some popcorn. I had a lot of lowfat popcorn today. I have to admit that I am still really proud of myself for holding it together as well as I have this week. I just want to be healthy, but its hard to feel like you cant take any breaks. Even when I someday reach my goal weight I cant just eat whatever I want. Will I battle this forever? Will I be able to keep the fine balance, even in the face of grief of stress or any emotional turmoil? I said before and it's worth repeating: I do not know if I can do this. I don't know if I am strong enough to stick around and to this commitment I feel like I have made. I dont know. The only thing I know is how much I want this, I need this. I'm going to stumble on!

1 Turkey sandwich w cheese (extra...thanks mom): 12 pts
2 servings popcorn: 5pts
2 home made cheeseburgers (1 no bread) on whole wheat buns w/ mayo: 11pts
1 baked potato w/ spinach dip: 6pts
2 servings popcorn: 5pts
1 cup ice cream: 3 pts

Tomorrow to work my veggies back in! EEK! Wish me luck guys, gotta get back up, gotta kick this sickness!


Rettakat said...

I hope you kick the illness fast...that can drag your spirit down.

You said you didn't know if you could do this. I hope you don't mind me making a comment about that...something for you to consider.

The question is not whether or not you "can do it." Yes, you can. You can everything necessary inside you to choose to do it.

The real question you haven't seemed to settled yet in your heart of hearts is:

Have I decided that I AM GOING TO DO THIS, not matter what...that no one will stop me, that no circumstance will rob me of this, that I want it badly enough to do whatever it takes.

Please forgive me if I missed the mark on this...I know you CAN do this, and I would just like to encourage you to go after your dreams, to make an iron-clad decision on your own behalf, then defend it like your life depends on it...because it does.

You CAN do this, we are all in this thing together, and we understand the struggle.

Rebekah Costello said...

I jumped on the bandwagon!

I loved what Rettakat said and will be thinking on it myself. :)

Fell better, woman!

Molly Higgs said...

I'm really proud of you! You're handling it all better than I did. I'm getting back on though.