Day 20

Today was weigh in day. I should explain some things. My husband works late and we don't get into bed ever until between 3am and 4am. Last night I set the alarm for 8:15am so that I could get up, get dressed and run out the door for the WW meeting. I live like 10 minutes from the meeting so it isn't usually a problem...but I have had a hard week. I am so completely exhausted that when I heard the alarm go off at 8:50am, and my husband asked me if I wanted to get dressed fast and go in a little late, I almost said no. See, he is exhausted too. The alarm went off at 8:15 and he hit the snooze button for 35 minutes every 9 minutes... I almost said no, and laid back down and went to sleep and let myself miss this thing that I have made so important in my life. I mean, why go? I thought I had gained weight, I had a terrible week, I felt like I had been hit by a Mack Truck. Why go? Because I needed to. Because as tired as I was I could not let myself miss stepping up on that scale and facing my week. It would have been my first tiny, almost unnoticeable act of self sabotage. I have this pattern, and I want to break it. I have trouble finishing things. They get hard, and I make excuses for myself and my behavior. I quit. I always quit with "good reason" or so quietly that no one notices until much later. I was laying there in bed this morning with a budding head ache, and burning eyes and I had all of this passing through my mind. I knew in that moment that if I didn't go to that meeting, I was going to fail. I'm not being negative, or rather, I'm not trying to be negative. I felt all of the possibilities this morning and I know myself better in some ways than others.

Well, my Grandfather used to say, "When the going gets tough, the tough get going."

I got out of bed and dressed myself in record time. My husband drove me as I was dangerously tired, and I was only 15 minutes late, and I wasn't the only one. I had to wait in line to get on the scale, and the whole time I was replaying my week over and over, and I was so sure that I had to have gained weight. I got on the scale, I heard the printer printing out my stats, and the receptionist was still silent. So I asked, "How bad is it?" I'm amused now, but I was seriously killing myself with the things she COULD have been thinking. I'm a worrier if you haven't noticed by now. ;)

I lost 2.6lbs this week! Bringing my total to 9.4lbs so far. I had to ask her to repeat herself. I think I said, "Seriously?"

What have I learned? Do not doubt yourself! Even when you make mistakes and they show up physically, on the scale, or in your measurements, learn from that. When the going does get tough, and it will, get up and go anyway! Thanks, Pop.

Today:
Breakfast:
Triple Berry Smoothie (small): 3pts
Lunch:
3/4ths regular curry w/braised beef from Noodle Company: 10pts
Snack:
1 serving Kashi Honey Sunshine cereal w/1 cup skim milk: 3pts
Snack: 1 serving quakes rice cakes: 2pts
4oz juice: 2pts
Meal? (not sure what to call the in between things)
English muffin turkey sandwich: 6pts
Dinner:
Baked Dijon Turkey breast: 5pts
3 cups steamed veggies: 2pts
Snack:
1 cup ice cream: 7pts
Total for the Day: 40/44pts
Leftover: 4pts

I gotta get better at getting all of my points in!