The Journey So Far...

The Journey So Far...

Friday, September 11, 2009

Day 3

Oh this is going to be short because I have to get up early tomorrow and pick berries with a friend before meeting another friend so she can do laundry. Tired I will be. Yoda? Anyway, today wasn't so bad. I have been dealing with a little depression lately, and I have been trying SO hard to not let that get in the way of my progress. I need this more than I have ever needed anything in my whole life. I want to sit in my bathtub with room to spare. I want to get out of bed in the morning without cringing or crying. I want a normal period without the use of birth control. I WANT BABIES. I want to wear something sexy for my husband, or even more, I want to feel sexy in something for my husband. I want to ride a bike with him. I want to not feel anxiety over every single picture taken of me. I want to stop worrying about if I embarrass him. God. I don't want to doubt my self worth because of my weight anymore. I know that no matter what happens in my life, this will be the hardest thing I ever do, and sitting here right now I have to be honest: I don't know if I can. I don't know if I am strong enough. I have so many failures in the back of my mind calling me out. I know that I damn well want it bad enough. I'm tired of wanting to be beautiful. I'm ready now.

I managed to get all of my points in today. I am keeping a food journal (for myself and my husband), and I've been noticing trends. I snack a lot to get my points up. Not huge, or bad snacks, reasonable and allowed ones, just mostly processed. When I go grocery shopping next week I am going to try and plan out some snacks I can have that aren't processed and maybe allow me to up my veggie intake.

Today I ate:

1 serving taco soup: 3 pts
1 orange: 1 pts
1 regular yogurt: 5 pts
1 serving spinach: 0 pts
2 slices cheese: 2 pts
2 servings 1pts dressing: 3pts
1 serving tortilla strips: 1 pts
1 large bagel: 5 pts
2 servings jam: 3 pts
2 servings rice cakes: 5 pts
Chicken and Pumpkin Risotto: 9 pts
1 serving mustard: 0 pts
1 Serving pumpkin custard (low fat): 5 pts
1 pack baked chocolate wafers: 2 pts
Total for the day: 44/44 points!
Leftover: 0!

I am getting better at this, just need to up the veggies and cut down on some of the processed stuff...and get to the gym on Monday!

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