Day 55

Weigh In Results: I lost 5.2lbs this week! Bringing my total to 32.6lbs!

The last few days have been hard on the diet. I haven't fallen off or anything, but I have been sorely tested. Halloween begins on the 30th for us, and ended about 4 hours ago. I have been asked several times this week about what I am going to do about the Holidays. Okay, so in the past I have never successfully made it though them. They always knock me off of the wagon. Thanksgiving comes around and I am solidly on my path until its time to start cooking. Then I am tasting, working and indulging right on through to the day after when we are using up the leftovers.

I recently read a post from a fellow blogger talking about how the Holidays are only a very small portion of the year. By the Holidays (with a capital H) I mean, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. If you want you can take it right on into New Years Eve. Said blogger was correct, these 4 days and nights are a very small fraction of the whole. They will not in of themselves cause you to gain a stunning amount of weight. The idea that you should just allow yourself to indulge in these festive times, and not stress about it is a good one... If you can control yourself. If you believe (honestly now, ask yourself, even if you don't like what your answer is.) that you can hop off of the wagon one day and jump back on the next without wrecking your progress with self sabotage and weeks on end of "I'll get back on tomorrow." If indulging wont make you feel bad about yourself. If you can handle it. If if if. I know it sounds grim, but for me it is. Is it possible that I could just do what I want for just 4 days out of the rest of the year and not experience the negative end of any of those "ifs"? Yeah, it is. However the idea that I might succumb to any one of them is enough to keep me on my toes. I have experienced every single one of those things, and I know myself well enough to know that I cant tell myself that I have "off days". It doesn't work for me. Not that it never will, but I'm not ready yet, and I'm not far enough into this to test my newly found resolve. I'm still forging that steel.

I survived Halloween. My plan for the second Holiday is in the works. Right now I have a rough outline. I am going to enjoy myself. I am going to enjoy my family and friends. I am going to eat a plate of Thanksgiving dinner, and sample some desserts. Nothing huge, no fireworks, or rebellion. I will be counting my points that day as best I can, and I will be reserving my weekly points for the day. We rented a hall, so I wont have a gazillion leftovers to contend with, and its potluck, so while I will be making a good amount of food, it wont be anything near what I'm usually tasked with.

Today at the meeting we were talking about how its really important to be good to yourself. Another woman there who has lost 75lbs was talking about how she needed to get back to being good to herself. The leader asked her what she was going to do to accomplish that, and there I was sitting there imagining all sorts of things. I thought she might say she needed more alone time, or that she was going to get herself a manicure every week, or have a night out with the girls, or kick her son out or something that had nothing to do with what she said. She said she was going to get back to tracking her food every day and eating better foods. Wow. Have you ever had an epiphany about something that should have be obvious? I suddenly realized that my idea of being good to myself was also tied up with food. Previously when I had experienced a hard day and needed to unwind and relax I would turn to food and sedentary activity in tandem. A few weeks ago when I first joined Weight Watchers I read the phrase "Be good to yourself" in one of their weekly books, and I passed it over never really grasping beyond my utilitarian definition or point of view. Now today suddenly, I also want to be good to myself. So take that diet demons!

Today:
Spinach: 0
chic peas: 2
1 egg: 2
4oz chicken breast: 4
2 servings (estimated, I was at salad creations, and I'm not sure of the exact measurement) fat free dressing: 5
bite Mom's chicken: 1
4 chicken wings: 10
sauce/seasoning/butter: 7 (also hopefully over estimating the butter)
1/2 serving light ranch: 1
1/2 cup sliced carrots: 0
1 skinny mocha latte (homemade): 3
1 arnolds sandwich thin: 1
1 egg: 2
1 serving cheese: 2
1 piece turkey bacon: 1
1 piece chicken sausage: 3
1 serving ketchup: 0
Total for the Day: 44/44 & 1/34
Leftover: 33/35

Well, I certainly made up for the previous short post...