Day 83

I lost 3.6 lbs this week! That brings my total to 43.6lbs lost and runs me right past my 10% goal! I have also already lost 16.2 of the 20-25lbs that I said I wanted to lose by January 1st 2010 (see Day: 48). My new short term goal is to lose 24.2 lbs which will put me at 350 lbs. Right now I weigh 374.2.

Currently I have lost more weight than ever before on any diet.

I am making this post early so that I can have some time with my husband tonight. I've had a pretty bad day. I was moody and tired and I spend much of the day picking nonsensical fights with my husband. After my meeting I came home and went to bed having only eaten a WW mini bar because I was just being a total tyrant and I needed to chill out. I woke up around 4 and went to the movies with friends so my first full meal was popcorn. Yeah I know. Oh, and the other reason that I had a horrible day is somewhat personal. I have a skin condition under my breasts and sometimes they get really dry underneath and today the skin sort of tore or abraded. God, but that is one of the most painful things. It has happened before, so I can deal with it, but it has been fueling my bad mood for most of the day. That kind of thing also drives me so hard to lose weight. Its so uncomfortable. If the girls (boobs) don't shrink a little then I might go ahead and have a breast reduction when I am through the weight loss portion of the journey. I need the area under them to have the time and air flow to heal once and for all. This particular issue effects my self image so dramatically. I feel unclean and ugly. I can not wait for it to be gone! I can not wait to not want to cry every single time I put on a bra.

There is just so much to look forward to, so many things that I cant think of them all just sitting here. Already things have gotten easier. I can reach places on my body that were almost impossible before, and movie theater seats aren't quite as uncomfortable anymore. Those are only the most recent. Every week or so I get some new discovery. I love it, and it keeps me motivated. I want more, and honestly I need more. I need this in my life, proving to me constantly that it's worth the struggle. All of my life, my emotions and all of the shame and pain I have felt for so long are going to add up to a drive, self worth and will that were forged from steel. Eventually perhaps I'll be able to thread that steel further into my life. I truly believe that this journey is going to make me a better person, and not just on the outside. Each brick that I remove from my fortress provides more illumination into exactly who I am, and who I could be.

Today:
1 ww mini bar: 1
popcorn without butter at the movie theatre: 10pts
2 cups cooked pasta (shells): 7
2 servings pasta sauce: 3
3 oz chicken breast cooked and 1 oz sausage cooked: 5
1 small piece garlic bread: 4
1 arnolds sandwich thin: 1
1 serving meat sauce: 6
1 serving cheese: 2
1 ww mini bar: 1
1 serving ice cream: 2
Total for the Day: 42/44

WW online says I still have 44 points, I have to lose 4.2 more lbs before I can lose a daily point! Is it sad that I am actually excited about that?