Day 186

Tonight we went back to karaoke because we were asked to (EJ doesn't usually work on Fridays, and was nervous about the new crowd). I actually had a lot of fun, less singing, more hanging out. The couple (Rhonda and Rob) that usually run karaoke were there and Rhonda told me that I looked so different that her husband didn't realize I was there the night before. I was so flabbergasted that all I could get out was "Thank you!"

Now I know, and I'm sure you do too, that my journey has not been without its breakdowns and flat tires. I know that and sometimes it kills me to think that I am not perfect, but you know what? I am not perfect. I am so proud of what I have accomplished and so grateful for having the guts to do this. I can not imagine the human being I would be right now if I had continued gaining weight at 417.8lbs. In just 70lbs my self image has changed so greatly that I found myself thinking that I was attractive tonight in the mirror at the karaoke bar.

The weight loss its self has slowed down, but so many other things are happening. I am discovering that there is more to life than this! I can actually have off days and move on. Diet parade is no longer the change, its the norm! I can see over that fortress wall now. I stand amazed in a place I never thought I'd be: Recovering from the damage that I'd wrought on my own body, mind and heart. I know all of this is mushy and mental, but I have to tell you that if you are reading this and you are trying to lose weight coming from a desperate size you need to work through your mind too. I have never gotten so far before, and I know it is because my mind and heart weren't really in it. You hear people allude to that all of the time, but you never realize what it really feels like to be changing on the whole until you just are.

There are no videos from tonight, but I do finally have a video of just me singing from last night. The camera that was used isn't as good as mine is in a dark room, so you can't see me! Sorry! But you can hear me just fine. I was a little nervous as I hadn't even heard this song in almost a year...



Today:
6oz leftover pasta: 6
1 small serving pasta sauce: 3
1 serving ww cheese: 2
1 can soup: 7
1 yogurt: 2
1 cup hot chocolate: 4
2 servings beef and potato casserole (plus one point for the extra serving): 13
1 serving ww cheese: 2
39/41

I got a lot closer tonight, but I had to double up on dinner to do it. Also, I know it doesn't seem like it but I had 6 servings of vegetables today. Slowly but surely getting back.