So this was me back in October of last year, just one month into dieting. I don't really have a picture of myself right now in the same clothes because I didn't think of it, and I was a little busy today. So you get a picture of me mid cleaning my house in one of my gym shirts and a paid of size 26 jeans (that I love). I cant the pictures where I want them so the 1st column of pictures are the most recent ones. Please ignore my picture hogging pets! I love them!
It has been so hard for me to see the loss so far, and looking at these pictures now I cant see it either (it could be the scale) but today when I put these jeans on and looked into the mirror in the living room I thought "My GOD I look different." It is so subtle. Its like someone changed the lighting in the room over night and suddenly WHAM the carpet is green. The gray shirt I am wearing is also a nice tell tale sign for me. I don't have the pictures to prove it but when I first bought it over a year ago I had to stretch it out before I could wear it. Now, it feels comfortable and not constricting. I feel like I'm falling in love with myself, which feels strange and narcissistic. And someone please tell me what part of being fat makes you feel guilty about liking something about yourself! If I feel like I look good I feel bad about it, or that I should somehow not show that I feel good about myself. Maybe it's because I feel like I'm teetering on the edge of appreciating my own self image and I'm afraid someone or something will knock me off my feet, and well if that's the case isn't it safer to sit at the bottom? NO! I think I will probably be knocked off of my feet several times before this is over and I do not think I would ever give back one second of feeling good about myself. That feeling, even just for fleeting instants is something I have been craving for my entire life. It's more than physical. It's a whole feeling. I look good on the outside because I am finally taking care of the inside. I'm pretty sure that something like that is worth fighting for.
In other news, I am waiting, with baited breath for this week to be over so that I can get back to normalcy...and wear clothes I'm not afraid of destroying.
Today: 1/2 cup mashed potatoes: 2 1 barbie cup: 6 1/2 cup steamed broccoli: 0 1 banana: 2 1 can soup: 3 1 serving cheese: 2 1 serving cheddar rice crisps: 2 1 arnolds sand thin: 1 1/3 serving lunch meat: 1 1/2 serving cheese: 1 1 serving light mayo: 1 1 serving mustard: 0 1 serving pickles: 0 1/6 of bubble up pizza casserole: 10 1 serving french fries (baked): 2 1 tbsp ranch: 1 1 cup bran flakes: 2 1/2 cup milk: 1 1/3 of a slice of dinner (struggling for a satisfying idea): 3 1 pudding cup: 1 41/41
Eating is currently the enemy as it makes me need to use the bathroom, and using the bathroom is..unpleasant. /TMI
I am the cat mom that married the UPS man!
I have 300+ pounds to lose!
I restarted on June 2nd 2014 at 460 pounds and I lost 180 pounds total! Then...I got pregnant, and now I'm kinda paused while this happens.