The Journey So Far...

The Journey So Far...

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Day 191

So this was me back in October of last year, just one month into dieting. I don't really have a picture of myself right now in the same clothes because I didn't think of it, and I was a little busy today. So you get a picture of me mid cleaning my house in one of my gym shirts and a paid of size 26 jeans (that I love). I cant the pictures where I want them so the 1st column of pictures are the most recent ones. Please ignore my picture hogging pets! I love them!

It has been so hard for me to see the loss so far, and looking at these pictures now I cant see it either (it could be the scale) but today when I put these jeans on and looked into the mirror in the living room I thought "My GOD I look different." It is so subtle. Its like someone changed the lighting in the room over night and suddenly WHAM the carpet is green. The gray shirt I am wearing is also a nice tell tale sign for me. I don't have the pictures to prove it but when I first bought it over a year ago I had to stretch it out before I could wear it. Now, it feels comfortable and not constricting. I feel like I'm falling in love with myself, which feels strange and narcissistic. And someone please tell me what part of being fat makes you feel guilty about liking something about yourself! If I feel like I look good I feel bad about it, or that I should somehow not show that I feel good about myself. Maybe it's because I feel like I'm teetering on the edge of appreciating my own self image and I'm afraid someone or something will knock me off my feet, and well if that's the case isn't it safer to sit at the bottom? NO! I think I will probably be knocked off of my feet several times before this is over and I do not think I would ever give back one second of feeling good about myself. That feeling, even just for fleeting instants is something I have been craving for my entire life. It's more than physical. It's a whole feeling. I look good on the outside because I am finally taking care of the inside. I'm pretty sure that something like that is worth fighting for.

In other news, I am waiting, with baited breath for this week to be over so that I can get back to normalcy...and wear clothes I'm not afraid of destroying.

1/2 cup mashed potatoes: 2
1 barbie cup: 6
1/2 cup steamed broccoli: 0
1 banana: 2
1 can soup: 3
1 serving cheese: 2
1 serving cheddar rice crisps: 2
1 arnolds sand thin: 1
1/3 serving lunch meat: 1
1/2 serving cheese: 1
1 serving light mayo: 1
1 serving mustard: 0
1 serving pickles: 0
1/6 of bubble up pizza casserole: 10
1 serving french fries (baked): 2
1 tbsp ranch: 1
1 cup bran flakes: 2
1/2 cup milk: 1
1/3 of a slice of dinner (struggling for a satisfying idea): 3
1 pudding cup: 1

Eating is currently the enemy as it makes me need to use the bathroom, and using the bathroom is..unpleasant. /TMI


Rettakat said...

"I feel like I'm falling in love with myself...That feeling, even just for fleeting instants is something I have been craving for my entire life. It's more than physical. It's a whole feeling...I'm pretty sure that something like that is worth fighting for."

This so wonderful... and yes! Worth fighting for. I understand this feeling... it is something way deep inside, not light fluffy shallow stuff. I am happy for you to be finding it so much younger than I did!


Anonymous said...

You are worth falling in love with! No one else feelings on that matter are important!

Keep up the good work!!!

Diane said...

You are doing so well, and the weight loss is really obvious. You might want to read Geneen Roth's new book, Women, Food, and God for inspiration--she talks a lot about the reasons we overeat, and the main one is not loving ourselves enough. GREAT JOB and Keep it up.....

Scuttleboose said...

Congratulations! The pics look great!

Anonymous said...

Wow, what a difference! You are doing great! Keep it up :)

Sarah @ Keep On Keepin' On said...

You look amazing. It's not just the fact that you're smaller (which you are), but the way you stand and the way you hold yourself is completely different. Keep up the good work!

Scarlet Simple said...

To everyone who posted: Thank you so much, I appreciate every word. It's nice to know that other people can see it too. Sometimes I think when we are the losing weight and we have so much (or so little, I don't have that perspective!) to lose its harder for us to see the difference.

I think all of you are worth falling in love with! You keep me going!