Day 174

Getting to the good stuff first and foremost: I lost a point! Today I weighed 347.2! Making my total weight loss 70.6lbs! I started at 44 WW points (which is the highest they go, I measured out to 48 points) and I am now down to 41! Who knew having to eat less would feel like a NSV? I am so glad to have finally gotten below 350lbs! I felt like it was taking forever, but lets be honest, that was because I avoided weighing myself for two weeks!

So now, lets talk about that February goal. My goal, made on December 27th of '09 was to lose 25lbs by today's weigh-in. I did not meet my goal. I am exactly 9lbs short. But, um, I cant help but not be unhappy about that. 9lbs short means I lost 16.4 lbs. January was a bad month for me, I was so very depressed and down and just generally lagging behind the parade over here. In the whole month of January I lost a total of 2 lbs. I was afraid for a while there that I was going to give up, but I didn't, and here I am. I am 3.8lbs away from being lighter than I have been in probably over 10 years, and now, only 48.2lbs from 299. I don't know that my weight loss will always be this phenomenal (to me at least), and I am prepared for that eventuality, but I'm grateful for the rate of progress I am having.

I said I was going to make some new goals once I weighed in so here they are: Long term (no set date): 299lbs. Short term: 20lbs by May 2nd, which is another 9 weigh ins away. I don't think that this is an unrealistic goal, but it is a touch over 2lbs a week at 2.22 per week. At that rate it will take me 4 months (or 21 weeks) to get to 299.

That is all good news, but something bad did happen to me last night at Target that I forgot to talk about. Though I suppose forgetting about it even for a moment has to mean there has been some healing. My husband and I were in an isle with another family, some kids, and a husband and wife. I didn't even notice at first because quite honestly it has been a while since it happened or since I've noticed it happening but the kids, two teenage boys were making fun of me, loudly. I froze for a minute thinking that perhaps I was wrong, and then not knowing what to do. There is my husband talking about shower curtains obviously not hearing what is going on (though he was quite upset about it when I told him) and I was doing everything I could not to just burst into tears. So I left the isle and pretended to need to look at something else until I thought they were gone. First of all, this whole episode make me feel incredibly weak. I feel like I should have stood up for myself, but to who? Two hoodlums toddling along after their parents in a Target? Their parents maybe? I have a little bit of a temper when I get upset and I'm not sure that I could have handled any sort of confrontation correctly. I thought about all of that before leaving the isle. It makes me feel feeble like I said, but I think I made the only choice that wouldn't have left me feeling ridiculous. I also think that had I been by myself I would not have left the isle at all, but Chad was there, and I was so afraid he would hear them. I was afraid, if only for a moment, that he would be embarrassed by me, or ashamed of me. That, folks would honestly be all she wrote, I would be done. He is not ashamed of me, or embarrassed by me, and I feel kind of guilty for ever thinking it. In a single moment of weakness, in a single moment I almost let two nasty kids bend my self image out of shape again. I'm more than that, and if my husband knows it, shouldn't I? The lesson I think I am learning is something that my mother tried teaching me early on: No one can take anything away from you unless you let them. I was made fun of in a Target, less than 12 hours before making 70.6lbs lost. I still win.

After the meeting today I had a 60th birthday party brunch to attend, there was a lot of food there but I didn't do badly, and I even managed to share a slice of the birthday cake instead of eating a whole piece myself. I don't know the exact points for everything I ate, but I can list it off: 3 mini (the size of a silver dollar) mushroom and onion tarts, 1 brie and cheese tart (same size), some fresh fruit, a mini (deck of cards sized) egg salad sandwich, 1/2 of a mini (same size) ham sandwich, 1 chicken tender, and 2/5 of a slice of chocolate cake (Which was so good, I am so glad I was able to set that down!). I'm calling it 20 points, but I'm honestly not sure. I had 34 weekly points left though so even if I am wrong I think I'm okay.

I have so much to do this week (moving, packing, fixing the place we are moving to), my hopeful goal is to get to the gym 3 times, but I am going to aim for 4.

Today:
1 pack 100 calorie pretzels: 2
Alex's Mom's Birthday party: 20
4 oz spaghetti: 3
1 cup homemade veggie sauce: 3
1 slice cheese: 1
1 cup homemade vegetable chili: 4
1 slice cheese: 1
1 bag popcorn: 5
1 piece chocolate: 1
1 coffee with skim milk: 2
1 serving sw baked ziti: 6
48/41

Which leaves me with 27 extra points until Tuesday, which I think is so not bad. Good night!

P.S. I know I have been given some awards, and that I haven't gotten to them. Please don't feel as though I don't want them, or appreciate them, I just haven't gotten to posting them yet. Thank you so much for supporting me in all of this!