The Journey So Far...

The Journey So Far...

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Day 25

I was so proud of myself today! ...Until I realized while on the treadmill at the gym that I had only eaten breakfast today. How could I forget? I've been preoccupied with everything going on in my life and so preoccupied with losing weight that I wasn't thinking about eating. Now, I know I should call this a stumble, but I cant! I was not thinking about eating. For once.

I seriously thought that I was a compulsive over eater, and to be honest I don't know, so maybe I was. I used to plan my days around food. I would eat breakfast while wondering what I was going to have for lunch and dinner. There was no greater thrill for me than eating. I know that cant have changed so fast, but I feel a start. I will have to stay on top of making sure I get my points in, but I cant even begin to describe how amazing it feels to not have been thinking about food all day today. It feels freeing. Actually writing this makes me want to cry. It is amazing the amount of sheer power I have given to food in my life. It is my support, my blanket, my shoulder to lean on. I've allowed myself to dull over the years, thinking about nothing but food and slowly becoming more and more depressed. I've stressed and broken relationships over it. I have made life choices based on food, and more importantly, based on the effects food has had on my body. Which means I've allowed food to change my mind as well. I wont live like that anymore! I cant. I know it wont take a day, or a week. I might fight this for the rest of my life, but for once I can honestly say its worth it. Everyday I miss food in excess a little less. If there was ever a battle worth winning, its this one, for my body, my mind, and my soul. I know that sounds so dramatic, but it feels that strong. Only I wont be that weak anymore. Now I am crying! I need to remember this.

So yeah, I should have paid more attention to my points today, but I am relieved in a way. Today proved to me that I was not helpless in the face of food, one more time.

I will be better.

I made it to, and through the gym today! No accidents!

1 cup oatmeal: 2pts
1 cup blueberries: 1pts
1/2 cup almond milk: 1pts
1 serving chiles rancheros: 5pts
1 serving corn: 2pts
1 nutella sandwich on low cal bread: 3pts
1 bag popcorn: 5pts
1 full fat yogurt: 5pts
extra serving dinner w/light ranch: 8pts
Total for the Day: 32/44
Leftover: 12 (I ate until I was full at the end of the night. Its 3am, I am so done)

Sunday is my weigh in day! I don't know if this will stall me or whatnot, but I feel good about my week.

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