The Journey So Far...

The Journey So Far...

Monday, October 19, 2009

Day 41

Again, no drama, just relief. I lost 5.6 lbs this week! That brings me to a total of 24.6lbs lost, and runs right over my 5% goal. Right now I weigh 393.2. I have 16.4 more lbs to lose before I hit my 10% goal. I'm making my goals 20lbs at a time. So I feel like I am surmounting small hills and slowly closing in on that mountain. I'm riding high right now, because I lost well this week, but I feel like I should reflect a bit on last week. .4lbs lost. It hurt at the time, but it pulled me out of complacency. Its easy to start feeling too secure if you know what I mean. Its almost like our weight loss to date becomes a protecting cushion that we use to make us feel easier about being a touch less diligent in our journey. I'm not saying that it wont happen again or even if it does that it makes me (or you or anyone) a bad person or less worthy of weight loss. I'm saying I'm grateful for having the ability to see the lesson in it.

Today the online weight loss tracker told me that I was losing weight too fast, and that I should try and slow it down. I just want to say that I am not doing anything unhealthy or against the rules (can you hear my rolled 'r'?). I am following points values and exercising like my life depends on it...because it does. I'm eating better than I probably have in years even with low carb a few years ago, and I can walk without needing life support! I probably wont have 6lb weeks all of the time, but I am certainly not going to actively work to make the ones I do have go away. I have so far to go, and I know it wont all be this fast. I'll take it while it lasts.

I have had a pretty good day. Chad drove me to WW this morning because I was so nervous. Last night I cried about the idea of facing that scale again, and he told me, quietly, that if it really upset me that much that I didn't have to go. I'm so proud of my first thought! I thought: "Yes I do!" It was another moment of self measurement. YES, I was chagrined by my previous showing, and I actually felt real shame at those numbers. The days following were so hard. I felt like a pretender to the journey, you know? I wasn't, though it took some time to realize that, and I knew I would be if I didn't go this morning. I don't know how many people this is a struggle for, but for me its paramount. I put so much of my self worth into those 3 digits on the scale. Another battle to win.

I did lose weight though, and more and more I am finding that I am really beginning to enjoy the meetings. There are so many different experiences there, and everyone has such a great sense of humor about weight and food that its just so easy to be comfortable there. The meetings are a great asset and I'm so glad I joined.

Monday starts my gym cycle over and Tuesday is the beginning of my week. I'm really starting to wonder if I shouldn't just change that to Sundays too, since I weigh in then, but so far so good. I don't know if I am ready to change anything yet.

Home with the hubby all day and we managed to not eat out once! Savings on the points and the wallet...

1 large salad from the grocery store salad bar: 7pts
9 BBQ soy crisps: 1pts
1 ww yogurt: 1pts
1/2 box frozen fried rice: 5pts
1.5 frozen egg rolls: 5pts
Lachoy Beef Chow Mein: 3pts
1 yoplait light yogurt: 2pts
1 boca burger (eh, dont think I'll buy it again.): 1pts
1 light english muffin: 2pts
1 pudding: 2pts
2 servings meatless broccoli casserole: 7pts
1 morning star pizza burger (buy these!): 2pts
1 "lighter" english muffin: 1pts
1 serving meatless broccoli casserole: 4pts
Total for the day: 44/44 & 1/33
Leftover 32/35 extra

Thank GOODNESS we are going to the grocery store tomorrow! I am running out of options!


Rayne said...

yay Ruby I'm so happy for you!
you can see your weight loss in your face and in your thighs! just think when you make it to a 50 pound loss (and youll be there soon at this rate) your gonna be a skinny bizatch. (we are gonna have to re-name the soccer team)

Amazon Runner said...

Way to go! The inner changes are something a scale or a tape measure cannot reveal-- and they are important! You've shown great courage and determination to go to WW, to begin this journey, and to share your struggles here with the rest of us.

Keep doing the right things day in and day out and eventually you'll get there!

Patsy said...

You are doing brilliantly! Well done on your loss. :o) I definitely think small, mentally-achievable goals are the way to go... That's how I did it the first time when I had nearly 250lbs to lose, and that how I'm doing it this time, with (when I started) 150lbs to go. If you get the chance, take a look at my blog later when I post my weightloss for the week... ;o)

Have fun!

P :o)

CinciMom11 said...

You are totally kicking butt!!

G said...

Congradulations, you did great. The toughest part of my week is pulling into the parking lot of the health center to step up on the scale, the pit of my stomach just growls at me.

And remember when people tell you that "you shouldn't lose more than 2lbs a week... that it doesn't apply to all situations".

Its a lot worse to weigh 400 pounds for a week than it is to lose 5.6. Keep it up!