Day 42

I didn't make it to the gym today. No, I'm not quitting, I just wasn't finished grocery shopping until 9pm. It doesn't matter what day I do it on, in fact, Mondays are probably the easiest, but I shop for 6, sometimes 7 people on a limited budget. Shopping is a science. It was kind of funny though, today I totally miss the gym. Yeah, I do. I miss that feeling of accomplishment and complete relaxation after. I usually just have cardio tomorrow, but I'm going to do my circuit and try and finish the cycle by Saturday. I don't feel pressure to make anything up, but I do feel pressure to get back on my best game. I haven't broken any rules or anything, but I haven't been eating as well as I know I can. For example, in a rush to go and pick up my roommate from work this after noon I did not eat before I left the house and found myself having a grilled chicken sandwich from Chik-fil-a before going into Target. I should have had some oatmeal or some Kashi Sunshine before going out. Then I had a baked potato and a small chili from Wendy's tonight. I just hadn't been home yet. Now, I didn't break any rules, I only ate the things I knew the points for and I didn't go over my points today, not even into my extra points. I just feel guilty because I know I could have used my points more wisely! I did well for dinner though.

I have another NSV! This one is funny too. I walked around all day today pulling my pants up. My pants and my "undergarments". I don't mean sliding off, I mean if I wasnt holding them up they would be on the floor. Two months ago, they fit me snugly. Also, my wedding ring no longer fits. This is all so wonderful, I just don't want to be buying "in between" clothes or constantly resizing my ring. My current NSV goal is to fit into a pair of size 26, brown corduroy pants I bought a few years ago. I love them! I also have a pair of size 26 pin striped pants I have never been able to let go of. I've never been able to really love clothes before. They have always just been something utilitarian. I didn't/don't have enough choices available to me to ever be very excited about them. Even stores that cater to plus sized women are off the mark for me. Why do they all assume that fat women want to wear animal patterns? Why do they assume that we would rather wear a size 34 labeled a size 30/32 in stretch jeans than just a size 34 pair of jeans? How does that make us feel anything but ashamed? And WHY for the love of all that is good do they assume that fat women have no breasts? I want to be able to be excited about clothes too! I will be able to in time.

I am reading so much about some of you getting out of the 300's and can I just tell you it inspires me almost to tears. Good tears! Its so nice to know it can in fact happen. That one day I will weigh 299 or less! I know that I will still have a long way to go, but I can almost taste how good that is going to feel. I'll probably cry all day long that day. ..In a good way. Good weeks, bad weeks, long weeks, strong weeks, I'll get there too, one week at a time. You are all so amazing and I am so lucky to have your stories here to help me along my way.

Today:
Grilled Chicken Sandwich: 5
BBQ sauce: 1
1 yoplait light: 2
1 baked potato with cheese (also added 2 points for the shredded they added): 8
1 small chili: 4
1 piece salmon teriyaki: 6
1 baked sweet potato, plain: 3
1/2 cup steamed broccoli: 0
1 baked sweet potato (later): 3
1 tbsp teriyaki sauce: 2
1 serving full fat ice cream: 7
1 yogurt: 2
Total for the Day: 43/44
Leftover: 1

I made fish for the first time ever in my life today! I baked salmon with a spicy miso teriyaki sauce. I loved it! I never really liked fish growing up, but in the past 2 years learning that I loved sushi has really opened my eyes. I don't hate fish, but I am particular about it I think. 1 - I prefer it raw. 2 - Never ever from a can. And 3 - Not all fish are created equal! I want to try and get fish into our diets once a week, but money makes it hard, so I'll do it whenever I can.