Day 50

Wow! 50 days on diet parade! It's only just begun...

I had a good day today. I spent most of the day at home doing small things, and I made it to the gym. I did 1 1/2 miles today instead of two. I got my period today and the cramps are pretty bad. I also did my full circuit. I'm pretty proud of that showing. Tomorrow is just cardio, I'm hoping to do a little more than 2 miles, not as make up, but because my goal is to expand the time and not just the speed. I also want to hit that bike again soon. I will defeat it!

Over the past 50 days I have learned a lot about myself, and the way I interact with the world. I used to spend so much time thinking about food, and a lot of times I still do. But sometimes I manage to catch myself having a day, or even two where it isn't the center of my universe. I have learned that I am stronger than I once thought, and that having doubts doesn't mean I'm quitting or not doing it right. I'm learning slowly to trust myself. I'm learning ever so slowly to love myself. Last night during the altercation with my room mate I felt actual shame. I did. I know I haven't done anything wrong, and I know that I am doing my best but for some reason I felt like I needed to sit there and take it. It took me a moment, but I came to the right frame of mind eventually. I learned that adversity can take on any shape or character, and that I don't need to listen to it or feel bad about myself because of someone else's expectations. This is my body, my journey, my health and my life. The only person responsible for it or to it is me. Ashley is correct, it took me 26 years to get to 417.8 lbs, and while it wont take me 26 years to take it off, it wont happen in a day either. I need to remember that, because sometimes I let my patience get the best of me, and weave itself into my expectations - which then become unhealthy. I'm still climbing out of my little fortress here. I am learning and expanding and beginning to realize what my potential as a human being really could be. I am more than just my shell, but that doesn't mean it can't hold me back. I've just decided not to let it anymore. For once I get to have hope. Despite any and everything else, I am thankful for that. So a toast of Crystal Light to 50 days on plan, and lets all light each others lanterns on the road to 50 more. I feel like if I can do this, then I can do anything.

Today:
1 cup oatmeal: 2
1 cup blueberries: 1
1/4th cup skim milk: 1
5 BBQ meat balls: 3
1 can soup: 5
1 english muffin: 1
spinach: 0
1 serving pickles: 0
1 serving mustard: 0
1 serving sriracha: 0
1/2 serving light mayo: 1
1 serving cheese: 2
1 serving turkey: 2
1 ww yogurt: 1
1 arnolds sandwich thin: 1
1/2 serving nutella: 2
1 serving jam: 1
1 banana: 2
1 1/2 servings meatloaf (6pts per serving): 10pts
1 baked potato: 3
1/2 cup peas: 1
1 serving teriyaki sauce: 1
1 serving ice cream: 1
Total for the Day: 43/44

I forgot to mention yesterday! CinciMom11 sent me some coupons for my favorite low point cereal! It was such an incredibly generous gesture! Thanks so much! They came yesterday but I completely forgot to mention it with all that was going on!