The Journey So Far...

The Journey So Far...

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Day 43

So I am having an issue here. I went out with my husband tonight as part of our week long celebration, and we had an amazing dinner at DuClaw. Now, I used almost all of my extra points tonight on that dinner. In fact, I planned to. we both had a great time, it isnt often that we go to really nice places like that because of our schedule. Tell me why now, at 2am I am flipping out about my points? I think the angst started to set in around midnight actually. I feel like I did something wrong! I didn't though. Weight Watchers gives you the extra points for nights out and oopsies and general splurges. I still followed most of my rules (except the know your points before you go thing, Duclaw has no info up, which makes me mad), and Chad and I took a short walk before bed. Other than that meal I did well today. Now I'm sitting here at 2am picking fights with my husband because I feel bad about myself. God, does the cycle ever end? I know it takes longer than 43 days, but will I ever feel different about food? Will I ever be able to look at food differently and not equate it with how I feel about myself?

So I'm going to try and let this go now. I'm so very glad I have this blog and that people actually read it because tonight you helped me. I was sorely tempted to come home and just go to bed and not update. Out the window with my accountability right? Then it would have been easy to never update and give in to the landslide side of this uphill battle. Crap. I can't give up. I just don't want to gain weight. Ever again. I know that almost no one goes through their journey with nothing but loss all of the time, but that doesn't mean it wont bother me. This week has been hard for me. My schedule is completely off, I've been missing the gym too. I don't feel like I've quit or anything, I feel like I need to be honest with myself and say its going to be hard to do this week. Hopefully I will get there tomorrow while my husband is helping his father with some work. I have to keep planning to, I cant let myself get used to the idea that I don't always have to go, because really, I do have to.

So I feel better now that I have gotten all of that off of my chest, I'm going to post the food list with the (hopefully overestimated using WW e-tools) points values attached. I'm calling my extra weekly points done until next Tuesday though, just in case I was off.

1 serving Kashi Sunshine: 1
1/2 cup skim milk: 1
1 banana: 2
1 slice bread: 1
1/2 serving nutella: 2
1/2 crab pretzel appetizer: 20
1/2 beer: 3
BBQ Beef Brisket Sandwich (removed bread and estimated at 8oz of beef): 26
1 plain baked potato (large): 4
1/2 brownie dessert: 6
1/2 medium popcorn (3 hours later at movies): 6
1 small spinach salad: 2
1 light yogurt: 2
Total for the Day: 44/44 & 32/35 extra points
Leftover: Nothing!

I'm not trying to beat myself up, I'm just trying to air it all out so I can more forward and stop fretting about a having had a great time. I'm going to face that scale Sunday regardless.

2nd celebration day down, and thank goodness the rest don't have much to do with food!


Rettakat said...

You know, I think you are doing just fine! I was reading at Bitch Cakes blog tonite, and she said this:"Lastly, remember that everyone has a different journey and this is not a race. Take your time and learn. Evolve. Have your own epiphanies, and make your changes. I think that's the secret to long term success."

And that is why I think you are doing great! You did NOT give in and just eat til numb... you processed your feelings, got them out, and are learning and changing, just like she said. In time, I have no doubt that you will forge a NEW relationship with food and your self-image. Give it will come!

CinciMom11 said...

BIG HUGS!! As hard as it is, just forget this day and get right back on track. Actually, you never really got off track since you used your extra points to cover that meal. YOU STAYED ON PLAN.

G said...

If it makes you feel any better, you WAY overestimated your dinner as well.

If you try to live every single day of your life perfectly handling your food: never indulging, knowing every point value, you'll fail.

You will enjoy yourself, you will eat food you don't know the point value for. You're not perfect, no one is.

If you expect to be perfect from 43 days ago through the rest of your life, you're doomed for some sorely dissapointing nights.

Learning to cope with food means both sides of the spectrum. Eating well when you can, and accepting and understanding it when you indulge.

You didn't even go over for christ's sake =D. You're kicking ass, and what you've been doing WORKS!

Patsy said...

I personally think that if you are/have been very overweight, you will always feel 'guilt' and beat yourself up when you eat something you feel you shouldn't while you're trying to lose weight...

As I mentioned in a previous comment, I felt sure WW would have something like extra points for special occasions... That way, you'd still be in control, knowing roughly how many points you've had, and you can always go easy on the points for a couple of days?

Don't give yourself a hard time - you're doing great! :o)

A Daunting Tale of Scale Warfare said...

I think youre doing great. Part of this whole transition is learning to not beat yourself up. You made some choices, and you learned from them :) And that's what is important!

PS-I'm really glad that I found your blog! I look forward to keeping up with you